Personal Responsibility
On being human. Other than a few years as a performing artist, most of my life has been focused on helping and saving humans and animals (starting at 11 years old I was going door to door to collect money and organized my first demonstration to stop KKK weekend pleasure burnings of African Americans). One day my meditation teacher (a Channeled Being) was speaking about selfless service and I asked him (the Spirit comes in through a male body in this country) a question about selfless service. "He" looked at me, and said "in your case, first you have to have a self, then you can work on giving it away." I must say that Spiritual matters do not scare me, nature does not scare
me, animals do not scare me. However, humans....... constant learning.
Thank Creator I have a team of non-physicals that hold and guide me and constantly remind me to hold onto Soul Transport-- viewing life as a Soul, not just human. My Life Path attracts a huge range of human behavior. From a psychology perspective, this would be interpreted via pathologies etc (which I am very familiar with via a PhD in Health Psychology and Behavioral Medicines). But I have long since learned that the Journey of the Soul is the driving force of life and psychology offers some tools for us to help negotiate our learning as a human. After all, we came here to learn.... and have fun (and sometimes both). Many Spiritual Beings could use some help negotiating their human-ness. I hope these writings help the Souls negotiate human learnings, and that also those who believe that they are mostly human remember that they are mostly Soul, no matter how tough life gets. While I am psychic, a medium, remote healer and many other things and my first course of action is usually prayer and meditation, I have found tools of psychology quite useful in negotiating some human situations. It is in this spirit, the spirit of learning, that I share these stories For all of those addicted to "helping" or "healing", I am starting a 12-step program called Healers Anonymous-- kidding Please do not send me messages to "save" or "help" me-- I am fine. If I need help, I will ask. I write these episodes to share my experience, strength and hope. Feel free to share your experience, strength and hope -- which is different than giving advice. Together we travel.
I love the concept of "I" conversations but sometimes it is inappropriate. The "I" sentence concept has backfired on me a few times because I offer up my end of what I did, what I contributed to the situation or event. The other person then jumps in to also tell me what "I" did wrong. So now we are both discussing "what's wrong with Marie." Sadly, I used to stay in these conversations, learning nothing except how to beat myself up, and how to take a beating. In one sad case, with my beloved brother, this happened over and over. I set a boundary: Please do not tell me what I did wrong, please tell me about YOU and your actions, feelings, perceptions etc. It didn't work. The next "what's wrong with Marie" conversation I listened, and said, "From your perspective, I agree. So given how you see me, how you see what's wrong with me, why would you want to continue this relationship ?" I meant it. Putting myself in his shoes, seeing from his eyes.... it was a legitimate question. I refused to blame him and I refused to beg him to stop blaming me and refused to once again ask him to talk about his actions. He accused me of being sarcastic. I was not being sarcastic. I meant it. I agreed with his point of view...... for him. I refused to make him bad or wrong for his perceptions and feelings. He did not ask me questions, he did not want my point of view, and I refused to participate in the "what's wrong with Marie" discussion. That was a break through. I protected myself the best I could. I accepted reality -- he didn't want to know my perspective, he never asked for it or asked any questions. I stood up for myself. The really sad news is that I have not heard from him since.
There is a reality rule in psychology.... you cannot simultaneously set a boundary (or protect yourself in any other way) AND take care of the other person's feelings. I hate that. Usually my choice was to take care of the other person first. It was easier, less conflict. I was raised to put myself last and I have a Spirit Life Path that corresponds to lots of service. The problem is, if I don't survive, and I don't survive well, there is no "me" left to be of service. If you let the vegetable garden rot or get over-run, presto-change-o, no vegetables. There sometimes is no solution of unicorns and butterflies. I took better care of myself, and lost a brother.......but honestly what I lost was a fantasy of what of I wanted from a brother and faced the reality of what was really there in the relationship. New Age says, when a window closes, a door opens. If you count the internal doors, this can be true. My brother did not magically change. I had to face the sadness I was holding at bay via the fantasy relationship with my brother, choosing to love "me" -- be my own princess warrior in shining armor--- rather than sacrificing myself in the hopes that one day, the relationship would change.
I don't mind sacrificing myself for others. But it has to be a conscious, healthy choice, not a choice based on fantasy, unconscious hope or ego. And I have to be willing to let go of the results for it to be a healthy move. It has to come from the heart, not from wanting consequences including love, peaceful solution, or recognition. It has to come from "this is what feels good and true to me" no matter what happens next. This keeps me a warrior, instead of a victim. In the meantime, I have learned (started to?) to not make myself vulnerable to the wrong people. I look for signs that I can use "I" statements safely rather than open myself to becoming the target of someone else's blame rage. And more than ever, I pray for guidance during encounters...... strange that I know to do that for Readings and Channelings..... and it took so long to remember to do it for "me" in daily life challenges. Namaste-- The Goddess in me bows to the Goddess/God in you as we journey onward.
I love the concept of "I" conversations but sometimes it is inappropriate. The "I" sentence concept has backfired on me a few times because I offer up my end of what I did, what I contributed to the situation or event. The other person then jumps in to also tell me what "I" did wrong. So now we are both discussing "what's wrong with Marie." Sadly, I used to stay in these conversations, learning nothing except how to beat myself up, and how to take a beating. In one sad case, with my beloved brother, this happened over and over. I set a boundary: Please do not tell me what I did wrong, please tell me about YOU and your actions, feelings, perceptions etc. It didn't work. The next "what's wrong with Marie" conversation I listened, and said, "From your perspective, I agree. So given how you see me, how you see what's wrong with me, why would you want to continue this relationship ?" I meant it. Putting myself in his shoes, seeing from his eyes.... it was a legitimate question. I refused to blame him and I refused to beg him to stop blaming me and refused to once again ask him to talk about his actions. He accused me of being sarcastic. I was not being sarcastic. I meant it. I agreed with his point of view...... for him. I refused to make him bad or wrong for his perceptions and feelings. He did not ask me questions, he did not want my point of view, and I refused to participate in the "what's wrong with Marie" discussion. That was a break through. I protected myself the best I could. I accepted reality -- he didn't want to know my perspective, he never asked for it or asked any questions. I stood up for myself. The really sad news is that I have not heard from him since.
There is a reality rule in psychology.... you cannot simultaneously set a boundary (or protect yourself in any other way) AND take care of the other person's feelings. I hate that. Usually my choice was to take care of the other person first. It was easier, less conflict. I was raised to put myself last and I have a Spirit Life Path that corresponds to lots of service. The problem is, if I don't survive, and I don't survive well, there is no "me" left to be of service. If you let the vegetable garden rot or get over-run, presto-change-o, no vegetables. There sometimes is no solution of unicorns and butterflies. I took better care of myself, and lost a brother.......but honestly what I lost was a fantasy of what of I wanted from a brother and faced the reality of what was really there in the relationship. New Age says, when a window closes, a door opens. If you count the internal doors, this can be true. My brother did not magically change. I had to face the sadness I was holding at bay via the fantasy relationship with my brother, choosing to love "me" -- be my own princess warrior in shining armor--- rather than sacrificing myself in the hopes that one day, the relationship would change.
I don't mind sacrificing myself for others. But it has to be a conscious, healthy choice, not a choice based on fantasy, unconscious hope or ego. And I have to be willing to let go of the results for it to be a healthy move. It has to come from the heart, not from wanting consequences including love, peaceful solution, or recognition. It has to come from "this is what feels good and true to me" no matter what happens next. This keeps me a warrior, instead of a victim. In the meantime, I have learned (started to?) to not make myself vulnerable to the wrong people. I look for signs that I can use "I" statements safely rather than open myself to becoming the target of someone else's blame rage. And more than ever, I pray for guidance during encounters...... strange that I know to do that for Readings and Channelings..... and it took so long to remember to do it for "me" in daily life challenges. Namaste-- The Goddess in me bows to the Goddess/God in you as we journey onward.
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