Declarations, Affirmations, and Setting Goals

Declarations, Affirmations, and Setting Goals

As soon as you make a declaration, you are lying. A bit extreme perhaps, but worth looking at. Pop psychology, motivational speakers, new age prophets, neural linguistic programming and others use the tool of declaration indiscriminately and dilatants who have done some light reading (or spent thousands on workshops, seminars, webinars) apply declarations like mayonnaise, well these days perhaps coconut oil (the newest “will fix everything” item).  What is so very interesting is that everyone I have met has absolutely no delusions that if one was to “declare” world peace, or an end to world hunger, or that they are going to pass their lawyer, doctor or any other certification test, will have little to no effect on those outcomes. Yet people persist in using declarations (also known as affirmations or goal setting) to lose weight, make money, or find personal happiness (really, you have to declare that?)

Declarations/affirmations are used to set goals. The inherent problem with goal setting is related to how the brain works. Neuroscience research shows the brain works in a protective way, resistant to change. Therefore, any goals that require substantial behavioral change, or thinking-pattern change (including living with Guidance and taking action only with Guidance), or emotional confrontation of feelings or growth, will automatically be resisted. The brain is wired to seek rewards and avoid pain or discomfort, including fear.  When fear of failure creeps into the mind of the goal setter, it becomes a “demotivator,” with a desire to return to known, comfortable behavior and thought patterns.

There are psychological manifestations of not achieving goals that may be more damaging that not having any goals at all (in other words, living with surrender and acceptance, mindfulness, and seeking Guidance before acting). Whenever you desire things that you don't have, you set your brain and nervous system to produce negative emotions. Second goals require you to develop new skills, emotional tolerances, and courage, some of which may be beyond current capabilities. As you develop these competencies, you are likely to experience failures, which then become de-motivational. Remember, learning always includes making mistakes and failures. Thirdly, goal setting sets up an either-or polarity of success. The only true measure can either be 100% attainment or perfection, or 99% and less, which is failure. You can then excessively focus on the missing or incomplete part of your efforts, ignoring the successful parts. Fourthly, goal setting doesn't take into account random forces of chance, or Spirit. You can't control all the environmental variables to guarantee 100% success. And your goals will be limited to what your left brain imagination can handle at the time with no room to allow or invite something bigger than your puny human brain, Spirit, to show you another route, another idea, another direction that you cannot even imagine and therefore cannot create a goal, declaration or affirmation about it.

The other problem is that goals are cast in the image of the ideal or perfection as perceived by your ego, influenced by an unhealed childhood, and your  cultural priorities (to be thin, rich, famous, etc), which activates the self-judging thinking of "I should be this way." This counteracts the positive need for self-acceptance.  And if the goal is not attained, you can often engage in thinking you are a failure, not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough, etc. So the non-attainment of goals can create emotions of unworthiness.

You must also make a distinction between your intentions vs. goals. An intention is a direction you want to pursue, preferably with passion. My experience is that people are often confused, and unclear about the intentions of how they want to live and achieve, and therefore a focus on goals does not in any way assist them with clarifying their intentions.  When I work with people they often tell me they've set goals such as "I want to be wealthy," or "I want to be more beautiful/popular," "I want a better relationship/ideal partner." They don't realize they've just described the symptoms or outcomes of the problems in their life. The cause of the problem, which most resist, is themselves. They don't realize that for a change to occur, they must change themselves. Once they make the personal changes (including deciding to have a daily Spiritual practice and to work with Spirit instead of coming from “I” only), everything around them can alter, which may make the goal irrelevant. Please re-read those last two sentences again.

Instead of declarations/affirmations, put yourself to work on mindfulness.  My current favorite short read on mindfulness: https://amp.businessinsider.com/psychiatrist-mindfulness-is-the-best-way-to-break-a-bad-habit-2016-2. Meditate, pray (help me, show me, thank you) then be willing to have feelings (yikes!) of insecurity, not knowing, embarrassment and more, as these are all common and normal when one is really learning: Learning, not doing a different version of the same old thing. Following Guidance takes time and courage. You are given bread crumbs to follow and each bread crumb you are willing to accept will change you so you become different (in competencies as well as emotional growth and strength, and in working with Guidance) and only then are you ready, and able, to be given the next bread crumb.

Journey On   Want to read more?  Check the archives on Dr. Marie’s BlogSpot