Earthlings Anonymous-- A 12 Step Program for Star Children
In my time among muggles, I spent decades hiding my "other life..."
my life as a spiritual being. I remember as a child being terrified thinking my
mother (a therapist) might put me in a funny farm--- and made my big
brother promise he would not let that happen. Poor guy--he was worried
for me too. I was always so strange. A full blown flower child that
thought the world existed to share and support each other. And for
decades I was able to live in and create that around me. I look back now
and wonder how I did not get robbed, killed, raped, and other
adventures as I wandered through life trusting everyone. I hugged the
wrong people, never had a sense of danger even when guns were pointed at
me and was always sure justice would prevail. My brother once said
with great exasperation..."Not everyone here is your friend!" I was
like a golden retriever...... expecting a pat on the head, a hug, or a
treat from every one and every situation. As life went on, I started to realize that I lived in a world that most people could not
see or perceive. I moved into the
professional work world and Earth became a sad and lonely place for me as I was
rejected for being "different." I had to learn to "pass" as a muggle. When I started doing this work publicly about 7 years
ago because my professional life ended I had to come out of the closet with
my Spiritual work. I was instantly rejected by
people, that up until now, thought of me as perceptive, smart, funny and
successful.....but suddenly I was not. The shock waves were
surprisingly hard, and sad.And for 7 more years I hid my ethnic and cultural background due to living in a very closed minded prejudiced (and sometimes racist) part of the USA. I still am very careful about "revealing:.
Coming out of the closet meant I had to unlearn decades of behavior. I had spent years second guessing how to react like a "normal" muggle when I was at work or at a social event with muggles. I wanted to "get along" or blend in. I struggled to make inane remarks to be like every one else. I dumbed myself down trying to not draw attention to myself. I found that acting stupid, or clumsy, or needy made people feel better and that could sometimes deflect jealousies that I often heard about years later. In addition to hiding my spiritual side, I soon learned I also had to dumb down or hide my rather hefty intellect and the fact that I had earned a PhD. It was amazing to me to hear people congratulate and give accolades to someone for being, say, a recovering addict with 5 children from the days of addiction, and then watch them react with disdain, or worse, to my life path of eight to ten years working three jobs and while getting a PhD. ( Only once has someone congratulated me-- it was a medical doctor, who literally shook my hand saying it was an achievement harder than getting a MD-- bless his heart.) So for years I choose to hide my Spirituality and my intelligence and education, rather than negotiate the reactions, rejections, and jealousies. I still have to be vigilant about this as a coping mechanism as my first reaction to what I perceive as a threat, or if I need someone's services is still to dumb down rather than show up.
Many thought me strange, in part because my attempts at acting normal sucked. Often knowing something was going to happen.... an accident, an argument, etc.....or that an animal was in pain, or a spouse cheating, I could say nothing as people would state I caused it by being "negative" (yet we don't say a weather person is negative for predicting a storm) or I was being judgmental. I had to work hard to tell white lies, go along with muggle perceptions of the situation at hand. If what I sensed was something people would consider "positive" .... that sometimes worked, however my ideas of positive and negative are different than those of muggles. Positive spiritually may not look positive on the earth plane. I had to listen carefully to hear how others were perceiving the situation so I could match comments. This is probably what it is like for folks who are considered mildly autistic..... but these socialization challenges are also true in cross cultural situations; in my case, an ET visiting earth. I had to work hard to learn "appropriate" social skills as I became a "professional," a professor, associate dean, department chair, corporate trainer. How do you have a conversation with someone you know is drinking and talks as if they are not? How do you complement someone on their claims of a great marriage when you "know" one is cheating? How do you work with a boss that lied about having a PhD (required for the job) and abused his subordinates? I learned to make jokes or to keep my mouth shut or isolate. In some cases, when I knew I was moving on or it was too painful to comply with the current practices of the culture, I did show more of my true self, and the results polarized. Fellow Star people loved me (and supported my work) and the muggles became a lynch mob.
In this era, honesty is a trait worse than being a drug user or a con artist. We are in a shame based culture where secrets are cultivated. How can one progress spiritually, or even have any kind of close relationship or friendship when one spends 80% of his/her energy throwing up camouflage to hide secrets and shame. How close can people get when life is based on hiding things they are scared to feel or reveal. How can Spirit be a part of one's life or offer guidance when one is so ashamed as to be actively dishonest? I find this all very lonely. Being not with people, but with their cover up. Having to be complicit in their cover up so as not to hurt feelings and putting that as a priority over spiritual growth or emotional closeness. Apparently it is not like this on my home planet. Earth is an alien culture for many Star Children.
My life, when not paying bills or picking up horse poop or picking fur out of my nose, is a journey of inner currents, populated by the fabulous furs that grace my life, and the Spirit Guides and Energetic Beings that are my family. I am in recovery now. Earthlings Anonymous. Learning to again be "me" and allowing myself to survive the rejections and losses. My life has changed in the last few years and has given me a terrain where I do not have to dumb myself down by pretending that I am a muggle, or intellectually by pretending I am not smart, nor do I have to support shame based behaviors. It is difficult. I have a great deal of un-learning to do. I am getting more courage and I am getting better at not diminishing myself .... in order to make someone else feel better. My experiences gained in the muggle years allow me to help other Star children navigate their ride through the muggle world-- to be in it, but not of it. Journey On.
Coming out of the closet meant I had to unlearn decades of behavior. I had spent years second guessing how to react like a "normal" muggle when I was at work or at a social event with muggles. I wanted to "get along" or blend in. I struggled to make inane remarks to be like every one else. I dumbed myself down trying to not draw attention to myself. I found that acting stupid, or clumsy, or needy made people feel better and that could sometimes deflect jealousies that I often heard about years later. In addition to hiding my spiritual side, I soon learned I also had to dumb down or hide my rather hefty intellect and the fact that I had earned a PhD. It was amazing to me to hear people congratulate and give accolades to someone for being, say, a recovering addict with 5 children from the days of addiction, and then watch them react with disdain, or worse, to my life path of eight to ten years working three jobs and while getting a PhD. ( Only once has someone congratulated me-- it was a medical doctor, who literally shook my hand saying it was an achievement harder than getting a MD-- bless his heart.) So for years I choose to hide my Spirituality and my intelligence and education, rather than negotiate the reactions, rejections, and jealousies. I still have to be vigilant about this as a coping mechanism as my first reaction to what I perceive as a threat, or if I need someone's services is still to dumb down rather than show up.
Many thought me strange, in part because my attempts at acting normal sucked. Often knowing something was going to happen.... an accident, an argument, etc.....or that an animal was in pain, or a spouse cheating, I could say nothing as people would state I caused it by being "negative" (yet we don't say a weather person is negative for predicting a storm) or I was being judgmental. I had to work hard to tell white lies, go along with muggle perceptions of the situation at hand. If what I sensed was something people would consider "positive" .... that sometimes worked, however my ideas of positive and negative are different than those of muggles. Positive spiritually may not look positive on the earth plane. I had to listen carefully to hear how others were perceiving the situation so I could match comments. This is probably what it is like for folks who are considered mildly autistic..... but these socialization challenges are also true in cross cultural situations; in my case, an ET visiting earth. I had to work hard to learn "appropriate" social skills as I became a "professional," a professor, associate dean, department chair, corporate trainer. How do you have a conversation with someone you know is drinking and talks as if they are not? How do you complement someone on their claims of a great marriage when you "know" one is cheating? How do you work with a boss that lied about having a PhD (required for the job) and abused his subordinates? I learned to make jokes or to keep my mouth shut or isolate. In some cases, when I knew I was moving on or it was too painful to comply with the current practices of the culture, I did show more of my true self, and the results polarized. Fellow Star people loved me (and supported my work) and the muggles became a lynch mob.
In this era, honesty is a trait worse than being a drug user or a con artist. We are in a shame based culture where secrets are cultivated. How can one progress spiritually, or even have any kind of close relationship or friendship when one spends 80% of his/her energy throwing up camouflage to hide secrets and shame. How close can people get when life is based on hiding things they are scared to feel or reveal. How can Spirit be a part of one's life or offer guidance when one is so ashamed as to be actively dishonest? I find this all very lonely. Being not with people, but with their cover up. Having to be complicit in their cover up so as not to hurt feelings and putting that as a priority over spiritual growth or emotional closeness. Apparently it is not like this on my home planet. Earth is an alien culture for many Star Children.
My life, when not paying bills or picking up horse poop or picking fur out of my nose, is a journey of inner currents, populated by the fabulous furs that grace my life, and the Spirit Guides and Energetic Beings that are my family. I am in recovery now. Earthlings Anonymous. Learning to again be "me" and allowing myself to survive the rejections and losses. My life has changed in the last few years and has given me a terrain where I do not have to dumb myself down by pretending that I am a muggle, or intellectually by pretending I am not smart, nor do I have to support shame based behaviors. It is difficult. I have a great deal of un-learning to do. I am getting more courage and I am getting better at not diminishing myself .... in order to make someone else feel better. My experiences gained in the muggle years allow me to help other Star children navigate their ride through the muggle world-- to be in it, but not of it. Journey On.
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