Friendship as a work of art: Being a Helpful Person

Friends, as opposed to associates, are a rare find.  We are typically a society of users and takers where “networking” has become synonymous with friendship and it really is not synonymous……in fact there is nothing in common with the two.  As children of the industrialized revolution we have become acculturated to disconnection as a norm…. to using each other and calling it friendship when it is mutually beneficial and calling it a variety of unsavory names when it is not mutually beneficial.  Friendship for business and networking is quite different than true friendship.

One of the added burdens of success, of any kind, is the strain it can put on friendship. When one is a failure, or struggling, you can be pretty sure about friendship as one has nothing to gain from knowing or associating with you. When one is successful or talented, people gravitate towards you to bask in the sunlight you generate. What makes it more complicated is often people are completely unconscious that they are doing this and get insulted if the observation is made or questioned.  One sign of a non-friend friend is the inability to discuss this as a potential dynamic.You can be sure someone is not a friend if you bring up this topic and the person either attacks you for even having the thought or stops communicating with you.

If you work in one of the Helper professions (therapist, healer, teacher, etc.), it is hard to turn off one’s talent or gift. Unlike a car mechanic, or an artist, helper profession talents are always operating and one must develop an “off” switch, or choose the company they keep with great care. Another complication is a kind of transference (to use a term from mainstream psychology) whereby clients begins to believe that they are friends with their human Guide when in fact it has been a one way relationship—from Guide to client.  Many of us are starved for the closeness of friendship. Often clients believe their Guide to be a friend because they have revealed their deepest secrets and feelings to their Guide.  And then there are Helpers who use their profession to gain friends. Some Helper people are too scared to have deep friendships with equals and embrace the vulnerability of their clients as a buffer to feel safe enough to become friends with a non-equal.  These are all tricky waters and there are no answers, but the questions should be asked and addressed.

Helpers/Guides/Psychics/Mediums etc.  can find themselves being used by people who declare themselves to be friends in order to get ongoing and free Sessions.  True friends don’t want free services, nor do they even want “in” on the gifts or talents of another.  True friends want to support their friends in their business and in their success and insist on paying.  On the other hand, non-friends participate in what they consider to be mutually beneficial encounters swapping friendship for Sessions or Readings. Sadly, they typically set this arrangement up in their own mind with no discussion with their Healer “friend.”  One way to identify if you have a friend or a non-friend who needs services is, friends keep relationships going; non-friends initiate contact only when they are having a problem, issue, or emotional challenge and are strangely unavailable when they are in a good place in their life.

When we were all indigenous people, living in tribes and villages, the Medicine People, Shaman, and other Practitioners were citizens with a sacred job. When “off duty” they were men and women who lived in the village, ate, farted, joked, had relationships and made mistakes as we all do as part of the human journey. When working, it was understood that Something Else was coming through that was beyond human, bigger than this world. It was understood you cannot and do not “hustle” the energy of the Great Beyond by trying to befriend the Practitioner in order to get free Sacred Messages or Help. The Practitioner that channeled Energies for the village or tribe was treated with respect, honored for the sacrifices that are made to be able to channel Energies. They were welcomed and nutured as a human…… and allowed to be human.

In the Human Services Spiritual industries (including being any kind of therapist) there is the added cultural expectation that the practitioner be rather perfect. This is as ridiculous as expecting a doctor to never get sick. I personally like working with people who disclose (not encouraged in most practices). I want to know what demons the person has personally tackled. I want to see how the person lives his/her life. Since we do not live in tribe or villages anymore, we no longer know our Shamans, Medicine People and Practitioners.  We do not know who is treating us. And Practitioners have little chance to be human when off duty. What a sad state of affairs.

Friendship is a rare jewel. It is the gift of being truly Seen and Seeing another for all his/her sacred gifts while enjoying and loving all of her/his humanity. What an honor it is to see the Creator in another, allowing that to flourish and shine, and at the same time humbly accepting the human-ness of the person and being able to play and break bread together.  This is the basis of great love, be it a mate or a Friend. A rare jewel indeed.

A day of Thanks Giving for the greatness of Friends.