Accountability is not Shaming

Accountability is not Shaming

I personally could have never gotten where I am by myself, even with the help of Spirit. I needed (and need) skilled humans, with a Spiritual Practice and evidence of a balanced life, to help me see me and my life in a way my wounded mind and psyche could have never comprehended and to give me tools I didn’t even know existed or if I did, I couldn’t use them without help. And my Spiritual Teacher saved my life, more than once. (With my Teacher, after 34 years there is still no cult, no temple, not even an organization.) Accepting a Teacher can be a bit scary. You do need to balance between “giving your power away” and being willing and able to receive assistance and Guidance. When you are wounded and especially when you are so wounded you don’t yet even know you are wounded because you have never examined your life and all you know are your wounds, Spirit can open a door for you. However you have to have the courage to walk through and then do the work. And Spirit sends us humans to help us.  When you are wounded, or let’s say you think you are not but want to have a better quality of life and Spirituality, when you are “shown” new ideas, feel new feelings, it often feels “abusive” simply because you are terrified of the “new” . That is true for most people. It may also feel “abusive” when a skilled therapist or “Teacher” is, with your permission, showing you how to break down a titanium wall you built to “protect” yourself from unhealed internal wounds. It may “feel abusive” when you allow yourself to become “vulnerable” to a skilled Teacher or healer because in the past vulnerability led to pain and now you have control issues that you think are saving your life but now are in fact strangling you.  On the other side of this, there is abuse, in all industries. If you are being asked to do anything sexual (unless you have specifically asked for tantric work), allow yourself to be used or marked in anyway physical, to give up material goods or wealth, isolate yourself from friends and family, or asked to commanded to recruit others, consider running the other way.

With whatever unhealed issues you have, you will (if you are new or only have a few years on a Path, or if you are new age) feel “attacked” when a healer or Teacher holds you to accountability by looking at the specifics of your choices, your actions, and your behaviors. There is no healing without changes in choices, actions and behaviors. Otherwise you are simply thinking “good” or “positive” thoughts and in the worst cases, making up another story or narrative to justify your current decisions and actions (I’m a Scorpio, My guides told me, It’s meant to be, There’s a transit, etc.). Yes there are Spiritual magics and miracles; I am a big believer in them both and both are abundant in my life. However, if you are unhealed you will not be able to tell the difference between magic and bullsh*t including the b.s. you tell yourself. If you stay on a Path for decades, when you are given another quantum leap in your evolution, you will also lose your bearings for a while and will have to accept and surrender to the Energies that Guide you, but that is another article. Because of the predominance of #metoo, the worship of the status of victim and the expectation that all victims need to be coddled and compensated, any attempt to reframe a victim experience into a warrior healing journey is often attacked as a kind of “shaming”, and sometimes followed by physical or legal threats. So these days anyone who is licensed can be threatened. That leaves the unregulated new agers, who right now, are definitely part of the “you deserve it” culture that supports the culture of victimhood with hugs and feel good (because it makes the new ager feel good to make you feel good) vibes that I compare to mutual masturbation. That definitely feels good, for both, for now. There is nothing wrong with “feeling good” however it is only one small part of healing and evolution; to me self-care is a much better choice than consuming “feel good” solutions.

What is accountability and what does it look like? First of all the accountability is to help you with your self-care; to help you be accountable to your Self when you habitually betray or abandon your beautiful Sacred Self.  Second, until you “see” or “get” something, you cannot make different choices. Accountability helps you “see”, perceive, and feel exactly what you are doing, to your Self and to others around you. How does one work on accountability? By yourself it means to take daily inventory, however if you are new to healing or Spirituality (first 5-8 years) your ingrained dysfunctional mind will literally not see, not perceive, not “get” a great deal of information. I am (still) always amazed when I point out dysfunctional behaviors and actions that seem so obvious to a “new” person who is then astounded to see and perceive something that a few seconds earlier was invisible. The mind is a powerful filter.  Still, a daily inventory is a powerful tool for yourself as well as a tool to use with a therapist or Teacher; bring that information to your sessions.

To have another human help you with your personal and Spiritual evolution and growth, they will have to ask you questions and for you to react like that is an interrogation or “shaming” means either you are not ready to get to work (you are in the stage of needing more hugs, and there is nothing wrong with that) or you do not trust your Teacher (or whatever human you are working with) in which case you might want to choose someone else. For a Teacher to ask some hard and challenging work from you rather than harvesting your smiles and “I love you, and You are so great” comments is an action of love; love for you not love for getting your adoration. A Teacher challenging you risks losing you, risks your defensive attack and if it is their income, risks their very livelihood.  You cannot change what you do not know. Questions asked will not only reveal details and specifics to your helpful human, more importantly, it slows down the mind enough for you to actually see and learn what your thinking is, what choices you made without thinking, what actions you took and how you behaved to your Self and others. Now you have learned something.

After getting the specifics, you are free to continue your behaviors, or start to learn how to make different choices. There is no shaming, but now there is no way you can claim “I had no idea” or any other “reasons” your mind might feed you to avoid taking responsibility, to avoid accountability. So you discover you are selfish, or filled with rage, or you are a control freak. How is this shaming? It was always there; you just didn’t see it or feel it and no one would have the nerve or the skill to point it out to you. To me, I am so excited to discover something new about myself because now I can become a better, happier, more proud of myself person. If someone is asking you questions about your thinking, your choices, your actions and your behaviors they are gathering evidence, not making up stories or opinions. The only opinion that really matters is yours; now that you see more clearly, how do you like your choices, your behaviors, your actions? Do you want to make some changes or do you like what you learned and want to “own” what you are doing? That is accountability; knowing and owning who you are, right now, through the observation and examination of evidence. I prayed for this kind of help when I was younger. I knew I was somehow not making good choices but I had no idea what those choices were and what my options were and no one would say anything because of…..well a million reasons but mostly because even though I asked for help, most people responded with either a “hands-off” approach, or they had no skills, or they would rather win my adoration than risk losing it with some tough work.

Am I right? Absolutely not. It is however how I work and it is the basis of all 12-Step programs (taking inventory, sharing the inventory with a human, figuring out how to make amends to your Self and others—i.e. make different choices, change your behaviors and actions).  If you read the scripture of any of the world religions and spiritual paths (except new age nonsense) you will see in the writings the practices of inventory and accountability.  Conscious choices can only come with raising your consciousness! If you come to Life Path Healings, we laugh a lot, at ourselves. We also cry, talk in tongues, remove entities, remote heal etc. But mostly we work on Soul Evolution and in order for your Soul to Evolve, you need to engage in personal growth, psychology and psychic metaphysical arts are both needed. Life Path Healings is primarily a Path and a Practice. Some pleasant side effects of our work here is you do become more psychic/intuitive. You will have your “gifts” and “talents” revealed to you by Spirit and you can use these in your daily life, at home, at work, with your children and a few (very few) might actually earn a living in one of these stranger ways. However “gifts” and “talents” are a side subject, not a goal so if you have a goal of making a living as some new ager, please do not come here, you will definitely be disappointed and you will definitely at some point talk poorly about Life Path Healings because you did not “get what you wanted”.  If you want to love your Self and your life more, if you want to become a clearer channel to Serve Spirit (in whatever manner is asked of you), if you want to be with others who find joy and excitement in their own Evolution, Enlightenment, Awakenings, and if you want to have some strange and wonderful Spiritual, Metaphysical adventures, you will find the Path here joyful, informative, exciting and challenging. You will never be bored that is for sure. You will get hugs, but mostly from your Self and from Spirit because those are the two most important relationships in your life. Hugs from humans great and needed, but they are secondary. You will not be encouraged to win admiration and respect from your Teacher; that makes one susceptible cult material. You will learn to admire and respect your Self, your actions, your behaviors and your choices.  That way you will be free to love and respect others rather than trying to manipulate others to “love” and respect you because you are empty inside. That way you will feel safe enough to be able to receive love and respect from others without feeling afraid you will “get hurt” because inside you are strong, not dysfunctionally dependent on the reactions of others to feel good about yourself. You might even make some friends.

Journey On

Dr. Marie