The Art of Asking Questions

The Art of Asking Questions

Many people are afraid of asking questions and yet asking questions is an essential skill if one wants to learn from others or from Spirit. People are afraid of what they perceive to be the risks involved in asking questions due to their own unhealed issues of control, fear, and ego. Asking questions can make you look or feel vulnerable. If you grew up in a dysfunctional or abusive family, asking questions could be perceived as defiant and punishment would be doled out. In the workplace that is often the same. An insecure boss or even co-worker will react badly to questions perceiving them as challenges rather than an effort to learn or obtain information needed to learn. In poorly run workplaces (that do not know how to train or educate their workers) asking questions could mean you are risking getting fired for “not knowing” something rather than it being seen as taking the initiative to learn and check on details.. Exposure to those reactions will train you to keep your head down, shut up, and don’t ask. For those with insecurities or self-esteem issues, looking good is a priority rather than asking a question and risk “looking stupid” or not cool. Some people are so shut down they no longer even consider ever asking questions as if they have had a brain wipe and asking questions no longer even exists as an option in their neural network.  Not asking questions sets a boundary; it tells others and Spirit that the subject is off limits or that you may not even be aware that there is a subject that needs discussing.  People know that if someone doesn’t want to hear an answer, there is no way you can give that person any information or advice as it will be completely ignored, or in some cases not even understood. Spirit also knows that if you are not asking, you are not ready for any Guidance regarding that subject.

Asking questions does take skill and courage.  It is a risk and requires you to have a strong (flexible, not rigid) relationship with your Self so you can tolerate the gamut of reactions that may result from you asking a question or hearing an answer that is upsetting or challenging for you to hear.  Just because you ask a question does not mean you will hear the answer you secretly are attached to hearing.  And as so many people are not working on themselves, you can count on some people either taking offense or feeling threatened when asked a question. Are you strong enough to proceed?  What most people do is “manage” others (to ensure that one always “looks god”) and make due with what information they do have, and make up the rest, praying they are right or at least will get through the current situation or challenge.

What happens if you do not ask questions? Not much, sort of like not asking for directions, you will get there eventually and you will still learn. Asking a question does not mean you will be dominated and controlled, it does not mean that you will lose free will or will not be allowed to follow your intuition or receive and follow Guidance.  Asking questions and receiving answers does not mean you must accept the answer, follow orders, or even agree with the information. Asking questions means you want to listen. Asking questions is also the key to Spiritual growth. It shows Spirit, your Spiritual Teacher or even a counselor or therapist that you are aware of a subject and want to learn more. Most people pray, telling Spirit what they want help with, what the main problem is that needs resolution etc., rather than asking Show Me.  When you don’t ask questions, especially open ended questions, you telling others, and Spirit, to only address what you are concerned about.  What if there are things you don’t know about? In fact things that are so hidden from your current consciousness that you cannot even ask questions because it is hidden from your view, your perceptions. Open ended questions create the space for you to receive more answers, Guidance, advice, help. “Is there anything else I need to know” is a great one for humans, “Show me,” for Spirit.  

Getting answers or Guidance can expedite learning, but it will not take away the learning, just like getting “Readings” can show you a trail, but you still have to walk the trail, learn the lessons and gain skills. Can answers confuse you? Yes, but so does not asking. You must learn to tolerate learning. Learning takes strength, and a true relationship with Self and Spirit that will hold you steady through the inevitable times of ambiguity and confusion that always occurs during the process of learning. Learning means you do not have enough knowledge, wisdom, experience or clarity. Sometimes learning also means you are curious, adventurous, excited to explore new areas of thought, feelings, ideas, practices or information. “Not knowing” can also come from too many answers, challenging answers, and no answers. And yes as with all things, finding your balance between asking questions and then finally taking the leap to do something even when you are not completely sure about the Guidance you are getting, or about what exactly to do, or when, is key.  Having the strength to not be swayed by too much information and not be threatened by too little information, finding the balance between taking action or waiting, and finding the wisdom regarding when to ask versus when you are avoiding or hiding from information and learning, will be a work in progress, for your entire life, should you decide to live an awakened, mindful life. The alternative is to hide behind a façade of pretending you “know”, saving face, creating an image to keep people at bay because you are too weak to ask questions or set boundaries, and other choices of avoidance.  These latter choices will definitely make your Life Path more challenging and difficult, and the lessons will come in harder in order to overcome your resistance

Journey on.