Are you working too hard to be happy?



Are you working too hard to be “happy”?

Sometimes you do have to work hard on “choosing happy.”  You might have cancer, or your child died, or your country is in a war zone and has been bombed, again.  When your Life Path gets hard, you sometimes do have to make an effort, often a huge effort, to see the light at the end of the tunnel or to even remember it is a tunnel and  not a “forever” situation.

When life is generally going well, if you find yourself exerting yourself to either “be” happy or “present” as happy to others, consider that a red flag. Your natural state as a human is one of playfulness, joy, and optimism. Life events can and often do alter your natural state. Humans suffer quite a bit in that there is not much of a “natural state” left for humans.  Humans are at effect of industrialization, sitting in cubicles or in front of a tv instead of physical work or play, single family structure instead of tribal which is our original social organization and many other factors that are anti-species.  Just like you have to work hard to provide your domesticated pet with a lifestyle that is at least somewhat compatible with the natural lifestyle of the species, these days humans have to work hard on their own lifestyle to take proper care of themselves in body, mind, and Spirit.

While “choosing happy” can be a boost in curing cancer, it can also be a tool of denial.  Instead of drinking, sleeping around, becoming a workaholic etc.,  you can overwork at “being happy.”  Addiction is addiction. Denial is denial. None of it goes away when you bury it with compensating behaviors.  The suicides I have known presented as the “happiest” people around and their parent’s demeanor demanded that their now dead children comply with the family culture of “happy.” Am I being dramatic here? Sadly, no. This is a real warning and one worth heeding before losing yourself or someone you love to the culture of “be happy.”

Like any addiction or compensating behavior, you work very hard at compensating behaviors, spending a great deal of time and energy on creating and then maintaining the behaviors.  Moving into a healthier balance point will take an investment in time and effort, at first, but then will become habit. Habit that can replace the old now destructive compensating habits that you currently take for granted. You take those old habits so much for granted that you actually think those habits are you, forgetting they are the “you” that you constructed to deal with hiding or running away from uncomfortable feelings.

If you see or feel the “red flag” of happiness flying around during your day or evening, meaning you notice you are making a big effort to feel happy when current circumstances of your life are really good enough to be happy, perhaps you can pay attention enough to …. well…… pay attention!. Mindfulness, pausing to be mindful, is a simple practice that anyone can do to first start catching a behavior or thought pattern, and bringing it to consciousness. Mindful pausing can be used for any compulsive compensating behavior such as overeating to obsessive thinking patterns such as always assuming something is wrong with you or that people don’t like you unless you act happy.  Bringing something to consciousness is the essential first step in changing unwanted habits. You can’t heal it until you feel it, or at least until you can identify the behaviors or thought patterns that send you into a tizzy of habitual “be happy” or “be positive” compensations.

If this article is hitting home for you, you might want to further read this wonderful article on Spiritual By-Passing. http://robertmasters.com/writings/spiritual-bypassing/.  If you are on a Spiritual Path and working with a Teacher, consider working with someone who will take you through Clearing work, or Shadow Work, as well presenting you with practices that make you feel better. Shadow Work clears the source material that is causing you to compensate via your current “be happy” exertions.

Journey On


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trauma Bonding in Friendships

Image
Trauma bonding in friendships Signs of Trauma Bonding When you continue to be fixated on people who hurt you and who are no longer in your life. When you crave contact with someone who has hurt you and who you know will cause you more pain. When you continue to revolve around people who you know are taking advantage of you or exploiting you. When you are committed to remaining loyal to someone who has betrayed you, even though their actions indicate few signs of change. When you are desperate to be understood, validated, or needed by those who have indicated they do not care about you. When you go to great lengths to continue to help, care-take, or consider people who have been destructive to you. There is a constant pattern of nonperformance. Your friend or partner continues to make promises only to break them consistently. There might be a boatload of apologies however there is no change in their act
Read more

Wong Loh (Huang-Lao): The Teacher

Image
Dr. Marie is an Initiated Student who has been with Wong Loh Sin See since 1986 . While she has studied many other modalities (shamanism, pagan, remote healing systems, nature spirits, crystals, life between lives regressions, animal communication, psychic talents, oracle cards and more) she considers Wong Loh her primary Teacher and with great respect and gratitude incorporates his philosophies and methods of meditation into all of her teachings and work with Students as well as Healings. You will see in these writings this "warning": No one else can claim to be assisting the Teacher as his representative. The Teacher himself is the only one who can make this acknowledgement. Both Wong Loh and Leong Tan have publicly acknowledged (in workshops and retreats) Dr. Marie's teachings and students in her area were instructed to continue their development by studying with her if they desired to eventually initiate with Wong Loh . The material presented here is the o
Read more

The Wounded Vulnerable Narcissist

Image
The Wounded Vulnerable Narcissist Many people are very self-critical and most, while acknowledging   they might indeed feel this way “sometimes”,   seem to be reluctant to do any work on these feelings or behaviors, other than “being positive” about themselves. And usually this means that “being positive” is the generic feel good kind of “thing” rather than being specific and realistic. Generic feel good statements (given either through self –talk or as complements from friends and new age teachers) are really not useful other than a quick hit of feel good emotions and perhaps as a distraction from some current uncomfortable emotions or challenges. For some reason, people seem to feel that if they actually go into their feelings, rather than continuing to bury them and attempting to live on top of what will become a self-perpetuating swamp land, that they are now being “negative” or perhaps will in fact “manifest” negativity (all the new age nonsense jargon).   People speaking in
Read more