On being "offended"
You want to be a Spiritual Being. You want to Awaken to Self Realization and Enlightenment. Did you think it was going to be only a soft road? All unicorns and butterflies? No, of course not. Nor do we want to always be alone in our development, on the Path. We often seek a Teacher, sometimes for a while, sometimes for life. You choose a Teacher because something in you feels drawn to to him/her. There can be admiration, knowledge you seek, but most of all there needs to be trust and respect for the Teacher you choose.....otherwise, why commit to him/her. Why would you want to learn from someone you do not trust and respect ?
Actually some people choose to study with a Teacher because they need to find an arena where they can "prove" they are right, or "better" than another. And this works best if one can prove to his or her self that s/he is better than some icon, like a Teacher. Needy people seek out teachers not to learn, but rather to find a way to reaffirm their own existence, or intelligence, or "gifts." Needy people also can seek out a Teacher in order win approval from an authority figure (as a substitute to developing their own self esteem), or to become part of some inner circle as a way to build up their own self image and try to salvage some self respect. In the entertainment industry there is a term: "groupies." The same exists in the Spiritual "industry," guru groupies. Sadly the drive to establish a sense of self approval seeking, or bringing another down, competing or inappropriately trying to be "best friends" with some icon is typically so unconscious that it can not be brought up to the Light easily .... it usually takes years and the rejection of many Teachers before one can see down this particular dark alley.
If you truly think you are more knowledgeable than a Teacher, or don't trust him/her, why would you stay? The spirit of Awakening is revelation and evolution, not only in relationship to Spirit but also in relationship to Self. We discover and confront our personal shadows so we may better hear and live with Spirit. Those of us who are blessed enough to find a Teacher, discover what it is like to have someone love us so much s/he is willing to travel with us into the Shadows giving us comfort as well as encouragement and Guidance as we discover our way out, back into the Light. Our friends don't have the skills to do this, and at times we cannot do this alone or with just our Spirit guides. So why is it that some get offended, even deeply offended, when studying with a Teacher of their choosing?
If someone were to accuse you of being a monster that burns children, you would laugh and perhaps even feel sorry for the person who is obviously delusional. However if your chosen Teacher mentions you are treating your body badly, or that you are dodging a personal issue, or perhaps not making a full effort in your Spiritual practice, one goes crazy, attacks the Teacher for cruelty and develops a five page analysis describing in detail not only how the Teacher is wrong, but in fact how the Teacher is a horrible person and then expands on every fault the Teacher has (in their opinion of course-- but presented as fact). Why does this happen ?
When we choose to be offended by our Teacher it is only for one reason: we ultimately believe the comments or observations made about us to be true and are horrified (rather than honored or pleased) that some trait of ours has been brought to Light by someone who is only committed to our growth and well being. Just like when a masseuse hits a sore muscle, there is a reaction. But the masseuse is not punishing you. The massage revealed a sore muscle that needs work and healing. A Teacher who is right for you, will do the same. Reveal to you the places that need work and healing and will stick with you should you decide to do that work. And just as you would not tell the masseuse how to massage stroke by stroke, if you find yourself wanting to tell your Teacher how to teach, perhaps it is time for you to re-examine your agenda with your chosen Teacher.
We all know how hard it is to get someone to see something they are committed to not seeing. A spouse, child or friend with a bad habit.... just try to bring that up and watch the explosion or sometimes even the end of a relationship. Many people are committed to their self destruction or self harm and rocking that boat causes waves. Being someone's Teacher does not make it any easier. People are naturally resistant, blind and in denial. And yet, people study with a Teacher for the very reason of being led into the Light. Sometimes it does take a bonfire to bring in the Light, sometimes a whisper. That depends on the student's personal practice. In the Tibetan tradition, Teachers are known for the drastic actions they take to "wake up" a student so that s/he can reach Enlightenment. Needy Teachers with an ego go out of their way to make people feel good and "like" them, some even cultivate a culture of groupies. Sociopaths and cults are master manipulators in making people "feel good." Once you are hooked they convince you only they have the answers, and every time you follow them more, they will lavish you with (false) love, and praise. That is how they target and win people over. Enlightenment Teachers, who have a solid Path and Practice, follow the Guidance of Spirit when teaching. They are willing to risk rocking the boat sometimes, creating some waves when needed, rather than concerning themselves with always seducing and pleasing students. They are committed to you learning to love your Self, not teaching you to become dependent on the love or praise from a Teacher.
Your Teacher has to be strong enough for you to depend on, no matter how you react or the feelings that come up, no matter how hard you sometimes feel you have to run away. Love doesn't always mean things go your way or that you get enabled in your bad habits or stuck areas. Love from a Teacher means "I see more of you than you see of yourself." Love from a Teacher says "I see the strength in you" not "You need to see my strength." A Teacher says, "I have been in the hole you are in, and I can show you a Path out." And holds out a hand. But you have to reach out, and take that hand.
Actually some people choose to study with a Teacher because they need to find an arena where they can "prove" they are right, or "better" than another. And this works best if one can prove to his or her self that s/he is better than some icon, like a Teacher. Needy people seek out teachers not to learn, but rather to find a way to reaffirm their own existence, or intelligence, or "gifts." Needy people also can seek out a Teacher in order win approval from an authority figure (as a substitute to developing their own self esteem), or to become part of some inner circle as a way to build up their own self image and try to salvage some self respect. In the entertainment industry there is a term: "groupies." The same exists in the Spiritual "industry," guru groupies. Sadly the drive to establish a sense of self approval seeking, or bringing another down, competing or inappropriately trying to be "best friends" with some icon is typically so unconscious that it can not be brought up to the Light easily .... it usually takes years and the rejection of many Teachers before one can see down this particular dark alley.
If you truly think you are more knowledgeable than a Teacher, or don't trust him/her, why would you stay? The spirit of Awakening is revelation and evolution, not only in relationship to Spirit but also in relationship to Self. We discover and confront our personal shadows so we may better hear and live with Spirit. Those of us who are blessed enough to find a Teacher, discover what it is like to have someone love us so much s/he is willing to travel with us into the Shadows giving us comfort as well as encouragement and Guidance as we discover our way out, back into the Light. Our friends don't have the skills to do this, and at times we cannot do this alone or with just our Spirit guides. So why is it that some get offended, even deeply offended, when studying with a Teacher of their choosing?
If someone were to accuse you of being a monster that burns children, you would laugh and perhaps even feel sorry for the person who is obviously delusional. However if your chosen Teacher mentions you are treating your body badly, or that you are dodging a personal issue, or perhaps not making a full effort in your Spiritual practice, one goes crazy, attacks the Teacher for cruelty and develops a five page analysis describing in detail not only how the Teacher is wrong, but in fact how the Teacher is a horrible person and then expands on every fault the Teacher has (in their opinion of course-- but presented as fact). Why does this happen ?
When we choose to be offended by our Teacher it is only for one reason: we ultimately believe the comments or observations made about us to be true and are horrified (rather than honored or pleased) that some trait of ours has been brought to Light by someone who is only committed to our growth and well being. Just like when a masseuse hits a sore muscle, there is a reaction. But the masseuse is not punishing you. The massage revealed a sore muscle that needs work and healing. A Teacher who is right for you, will do the same. Reveal to you the places that need work and healing and will stick with you should you decide to do that work. And just as you would not tell the masseuse how to massage stroke by stroke, if you find yourself wanting to tell your Teacher how to teach, perhaps it is time for you to re-examine your agenda with your chosen Teacher.
We all know how hard it is to get someone to see something they are committed to not seeing. A spouse, child or friend with a bad habit.... just try to bring that up and watch the explosion or sometimes even the end of a relationship. Many people are committed to their self destruction or self harm and rocking that boat causes waves. Being someone's Teacher does not make it any easier. People are naturally resistant, blind and in denial. And yet, people study with a Teacher for the very reason of being led into the Light. Sometimes it does take a bonfire to bring in the Light, sometimes a whisper. That depends on the student's personal practice. In the Tibetan tradition, Teachers are known for the drastic actions they take to "wake up" a student so that s/he can reach Enlightenment. Needy Teachers with an ego go out of their way to make people feel good and "like" them, some even cultivate a culture of groupies. Sociopaths and cults are master manipulators in making people "feel good." Once you are hooked they convince you only they have the answers, and every time you follow them more, they will lavish you with (false) love, and praise. That is how they target and win people over. Enlightenment Teachers, who have a solid Path and Practice, follow the Guidance of Spirit when teaching. They are willing to risk rocking the boat sometimes, creating some waves when needed, rather than concerning themselves with always seducing and pleasing students. They are committed to you learning to love your Self, not teaching you to become dependent on the love or praise from a Teacher.
Your Teacher has to be strong enough for you to depend on, no matter how you react or the feelings that come up, no matter how hard you sometimes feel you have to run away. Love doesn't always mean things go your way or that you get enabled in your bad habits or stuck areas. Love from a Teacher means "I see more of you than you see of yourself." Love from a Teacher says "I see the strength in you" not "You need to see my strength." A Teacher says, "I have been in the hole you are in, and I can show you a Path out." And holds out a hand. But you have to reach out, and take that hand.
Comments
Post a Comment