Communication Skills

Communication Skills

Many years ago I was set up on a date with a “friend’s” brother only to find out that this so-called friend thought it was best that I learn on my own that he had past charges as a pedophile!  When I confronted her about this, her new age answer was that she didn’t think it was fair to him to “influence” my opinion of him. Whaaaaaa???!!!! Unbelievable. That was in the 70’s. What is even more unbelievable to me is that this new age irresponsible nonsense continues today giving predators free reign and access to an endless supply of unknowing people. What is wrong with sharing your experiences and opinions? Do you really think others (your friends!) are so weak minded and spineless that your opinion and sharing your story will “rock” their world and make them mindlessly change the course of their life? What if your story is the turning point of saving someone years of heartache, court, financial ruin, because your sharing comes to mind when your friend’s intuition is screaming that there are red flags with someone s/he is seeing who does indeed turn out to be a predator?

Decades ago someone I knew was about to marry her childhood sweetheart. A million dollar wedding at the top of a mountain, with velvet capes and horse drawn carriages were arranged. An astrologer and I both knew the marriage was a huge mistake. The astrologer said to me “This is too far gone. Don’t say anything. That way when it goes south, she will not hesitate to come to us for help” (meaning she will not feel embarrassed, or the “I told you so” vibe). A year after the marriage it was “discovered” that her childhood true love had always been gay. (They had been together for about 15years! And he managed to hide his sexuality the whole time.)  He stopped any physical contact the day they were married, and took all her trust fund money. And yes, she came to us for help. In this case, it was too late to speak up. She was already committed to her actions. Or was it?

More recently (and this scenario happens most of the time) someone who gets Readings and talks to friends all the time leapt into a relationship with a predator. She stopped checking in with friends, asking questions and getting Readings. She desperately wanted a baby, got pregnant, then found out he was a predator. Separated, had the baby and is now in court custody battles having to protect her infant from a lifelong relationship with a predator father. She said “Why didn’t anyone say anything?” and then immediately added “I wouldn’t have listened.”

A dear friend hooked up with her “soul mate” (who turned out to be a sociopathic narcissist) and relapsed into drinking and barely got out alive. When I asked my Teacher about what happened, he said “It had to happen. We couldn’t stop it”.  You cannot stop the life path experiences your Soul put in place for you to experience in this incarnation. 

An associate stopped by my house arriving much earlier than our agreed upon time, banging on the door and yelling and texting and calling because she had to use the restroom.  Later in the week she wanted to come pick me up for a birthday lunch. I said “Great. But also please know you cannot just show up at my house at any time because I work from home and could either be taking calls or have someone here. Last time you did that, we just got lucky that I was not on a call.” She said nothing about this comment/boundary that I calmly mentioned. And she never set up a birthday lunch date.

Communication, healthy communication with others is an art form. If you are telepathic, psychic, clairvoyant, it is even more complicated than “normal” communications with muggles (non-magical people as per Harry Potter). When does one unmask predators?  How does one set boundaries? Handle conflict? (See Gottman’s brilliant work on handling conflict as a predictor of relationship success.)  When do you sacrifice communication to keep the peace or friendship versus speaking up for self-care (boundaries for example)?

There are no simple answers to these kinds of questions. Communication skills are complex and they are essential skills for work, friendship, family and love relationships. Social and emotional intelligence are typically rated as more important than mechanical or technical skills as they are much harder to teach or learn than “hard” skills, skills that can be immediately measured via results produced. Communication skills are rarely on the “must do” or “must learn” list of modern industrial society. People will spend more time learning apps on their phone than learning how to communicate in ways that actually work rather than communicating in ways that cause more drama and/or unhealthy conflict. Without good communication skills, without having a good IQ in emotional intelligence (look this up if you don’t know what it means) you lower the possibilities of being a good parent, friend, student, teacher, lover, supervisor, worker.

Communication skills include knowing (or intuiting, or sensing) what to say, how to say it and when to say it. However what is most important is to first become aware of how you come across to others, how you behave and speak when you are stressed, and what works best for you when others are speaking to you (Mindfulness, self-awareness). A good place to start is a reliable research-based personality test. Yes astrology and numerology and Akashic Readings are also powerful tools IF (and that is a big if) you can find a truly competent, gifted person. Research based tools mean they work no matter who uses the tool. New age tools (and there are so many so-called new age “personality” tests out there) are unregulated, untested for ethnicity, gender and other sociological bias factors.  My favorite tool right now is the True Colors test. You can search for it best by looking for PowerPoint presentations and searching for a free version of the complete test. True Colors is a more modern version of the MBTI.

Knowing a bit about yourself will then help you to direct your research on learning communication skills. Know about yourself you can identify areas of communication weakness that you need to improve. Knowing about yourself will also help to identify what new skills you will actually be willing to try out and learn. Knowing about yourself makes you less defensive because you are comfortable identifying the pros and cons of your personality (in this lie) and your communication strengths and weaknesses.  Now you can start your search for books that will teach you real life skills to help you in setting boundaries, telling someone you love them, asking for what you want (rather than manipulating or  guilt tripping or sleeping with others to get what you want), and for some you can learn “small talk”, or when “not” to talk. Learning good communication skills will also teach you to better perceive when others are lying to you, manipulating you or using you.

Vibes, energy, past lives, twin flames, life charts all good. But you were given spoken language for a reason and while it is indeed not the only way to communicate, it is a vitally important way of communicating. Invest some time and energy in your Self, in this life. Learn to communicate well so you can show your heart, be authentic and feel safe in your self-care abilities.

Journey On
Dr. Marie