Creating Identities

Creating Identities

I’m an empath. I’m transgender. I am a medium. I am a professor. In advertising and marketing this is called “branding”. Branding is used identify and categorize you so people wanting to buy from you (or buy you) can easily find you. This is also a phase of therapy, when you are inventing or re-inventing yourself sometimes for the first time, sometimes over and over again as you grow, or as a survivor of abuse or tragedy.  When people tell me “who” they are, I immediately am suspect. If you are a woman, do you introduce yourself as such, explain how it is a “gift “or talent to “be” a woman, and that you primarily function from yin energy and as such “pick up everyone’s energy” which makes you exhausted because you are so sensitive. I don’t think so. When you are invested in announcing yourself (other than at a job interview, or a marketing event) what is really going on inside of you? 

Unfortunately the Western culture seems infatuated with “identities”. Famous therapists help you live your life as an “empath”, or “identify” your troubled (and usually acting out child) as an indigo or rainbow child.  The “me too” movement, the survivor culture etc.,  have morphed from creating an identity as a stage of healing into  using an identity as a brand, as a more permanent way of describing one’s self and therefore becomes a way of life, a way of making decisions and choices.  Women’s liberation, black liberation (now black lives matter) fight against stereotyping, they are stereotyped by others, however creating and living by a self-constructed identity can also become stereotyping. “I am an empath” and now everyone is supposed to know what that means, and what that means regarding how you will react to certain situations or stimuli. Isn’t that a stereotype? “Women always do _____”  (fill in the blank) and “empaths are always overwhelmed” (or any other words you wish to use) are both stereotypes, just that one brings loud objections and the other is proudly proclaimed.

If you “are” a music composer, you will hear music all day, in life all around you. On the show America’s Got Talent people who work in cell phone stores, or are full time parents,  people who are school teachers show up with their talents,  talents that they practice and cannot live without no matter what their current life circumstances.   Those people “are” singers and other talents. What you “are” are the things you do, believe, feel, no matter your current life circumstances, or what you do for a living or how you sell yourself. So you may need to “brand” yourself, but be sure you actually “know” who you “are”, not just your brand.

Who you are and what you do in life are not always related. So if someone tells you s/he “is” a psychic, or therapist, or artist etc., I consider that a red flag unless you are at a marketing event or someone asks you what you  “do” (which is not necessarily who you are). Red flags deserve attention. Whenever I encounter a red flag I either walk away, or if that is not a good option, ask a ton of questions. If the person “reacts” to the questions, that is another red flag. It means the person is uncomfortable with his/her story (whether or not they purposefully created the story for you, or it is a story they created for themselves because they are in denial.).  If when you are asking questions and you listen closely and somehow the story is not making sense or “feels” off, pay attention to that as it is also a red flag.  This advice goes for when you are creating relationships, including friendships and more intimate relationships. This is especially great advice when you are about to hire a service provider as they have to “claim” their brand (I am a great dentist….car mechanic….doctor…. medium….psychic….healer) and there is no current proof (reviews can be faked as can all advertising).  Ask questions, not just about what they “do” but about life in general to find out who they “are” and see if you like the match. I personally don’t like to go to psychics or any new age type person who is not actually spiritual, meaning they do not have a practice, they don’t take care of their body, they have not worked on self-healing etc.  I don’t like any person who uses a well-crafted “narrative” about  their “gift” or “talent” and yet I do not feel any flow of energy about them nor do I feel them able to use energy even though they “say” they are using reiki. You get the picture.

Creating an identity is definitely a part of healing. “You are no longer your father’s child lover, you are a strong powerful woman/man” is an example of a great use of creating a healthy new identity.  But after a few years, you will still be evolving and so your created therapeutic identity will shift as well.  In addition, many people have very fluid lives, meaning there is so much change in their lives that it often looks like, and feels like to them that they are re-incarnating over and over, but in the same body.  Keep the energy towards creating or over-stating your “identity “in check. Focus more on self-awareness, mindfulness, so you can discover and keep your fingers on the pulse of “who you are” which might be completely different than the current roles you are fulfilling in life. Don’t create an “identity” (I’m an artist, photographer, psychic, etc.) to avoid your feelings, or soothe your anxiety and confusion or protect your wounded self-esteem. Instead notice you, what you do when others are not looking and there is no one to impress.  Notice what makes you happy, maybe it is cooking for the kids instead of teaching tarot. Be open to discovering your Self, every day. Be cautious around those who present a strong “identity”, a brilliant or entertaining “narrative” story explaining “who they are”.  Look instead for people who show their inconsistencies,  those who seem to have some questions about who they are and what they do, who have a sense of humor about themselves. That is being real, authentic, humble, and open. Our culture worships the highly polished presentation and that has become a shield used by….well…just about everyone, but especially by people who are “branding” (selling) themselves, con artists, narcissists and actually unhealed lost souls.

If you are presenting as a new age or spiritual light worker, examine your “story”, your narrative. Are you really being authentic, or only presenting your “best side” which is the branding of the new age industry?

As an awakened being, learn to not be seduced by a good narrative. Ask questions and do not be put off. Do not ignore red flags. Listen carefully, read between the lines.  Work on being real instead of impressive or “positive”.  Distinguish between your “presentation” and your being.  Authentic people are fluid.  “To be without a reference point is the ultimate loneliness. It is also called enlightenment.” Pema Chodron.  Here is a great article by Pema on authenticity and non-attachment to identity: https://www.lionsroar.com/six-kinds-of-loneliness/

Journey On