Using labels to avoid your work

Using labels to avoid your work

“I’m an introvert.” “I’m being dysfunctional.” “I am an empath.” It is good to know about yourself. However a retreat into generalized labels can be an obstacle to further work. Generalizations are just that, generalizations.  Generalizations are good for a quick conversation, but not for depth.  Now that you have learned something about yourself (a label) you have some vocabulary to do more research on tools for healing. Now that you know your fallback position (“I run away.” “I don’t use boundaries.” etc.) you can start to learn about other tools, other choices. In order to apply new choices, in order to catch your dysfunctional patterns you will need to be Mindful.  Unfortunately mindfulness has become a commercial tag line.  What IS mindfulness? 

Mindfulness entails being specific, very specific regarding each incident, each choice. Just like taking a daily inventory. Specificity and detail are needed to observe your current choices, to learn what Spirit is trying to Teach you and also for you to be able to note and celebrate progress made. Just like going on a diet, you need to be real, specific, use facts, use accurate information (as much as possible) via daily tracking and detailed recall. In order to be specific, you have to be aware. You need to choose to take the time, commit your energy and focus to paying attention.......to you.

For example, you tell people you are an introvert. Now it is time to start to notice when you are stressing yourself out by over extending yourself. When did it happen?  When did you finally discover you had over extended?  How did you miss the signs? Were you people-pleasing? Did you check out and go numb?  Did you drink alcohol or snort an essential oil instead of using a boundary?  This is what mindfulness and a self-aware  inventory on self-care looks like. 

Until you own it, until you can bring it to consciousness, mindfulness, you cannot make different choices. Until you have brought it to consciousness, you can not learn the lessons that we are offered every day. Spirit is teaching us every day. Lessons currently ignored or “coped” with  instead of learining from will keep coming back and coming back stronger, with a kick and finally with a building falling down on you.  Paying attention, in detail (and with courage and compassion) tells Spirit you ARE taking the class, and that you DO want Guidance on this issue.  Then when you ask Spirit to take this shortcoming, this pattern, from you, you are asking from a place of having done the work rather than praying to get out of a tough situation. 

Doing the work means remaining present, looking at the specifics (your specifics minding your own business, not analyzing others), experiencing, feeling, then handing it over to Spirit who will now be able to work with you as you are move, and follow that movement, to a newer level of existence, a higher place. This is working with Spirit. It is chop wood, carry water, AND the miracles that occur when we are brave enough to invite and let Spirit show is a new way to live....a way we could not have even imagined for ourselves. Mysticism. It is practical and indescribable at the same time. 

It is difficult for some people to be specific. Being specific means you need to be present, in your body and aware, Mindful means being connected. People avoid being specific when they are filled with shame and it terrifies and embarrasses them look at themselves and their choices or to feel their feelings.  People avoid being specific because they might have to confront their dysfunctional choices and coping mechanisms. This can be especially true for full time victims. Full time victims are the walking wounded that have learned to use their hurts to get others to either take care of them or not hold them accountable. This tactic works when people think that someone who is a victim, who is so hurt,  cannot possibly be expected to behave well so you excuse them for… well, everything. Full time victim personas cannot afford to look closely at their defense system and coping machinations because they might then have to give it up their manipulations (conscious or unconscious) and be treated as a mature adult and held accountable. Being specific can take you out of your victim persona and for some people this might be too much at first. It will collapse your entire system of how you get attention and love.

Specificity brings to consciousness facts and details, rather than allowing yourself to fall into or retreat into old patterns of generalized hurt.  It is not a tool to beat yourself up and this is why it is very important to work with someone (a sponsor in 12-Step or a therapy group, a therapist, a healer, a teacher, a mentor) until you are ready to do this step with courage and compassion for your own self.  Hurt people avoid being specific because they are hiding from their wounds, hiding their emotions from themselves or from other people so until intial work is done they literally do not know how to be specific as they are out of their body most of the time, hiding or shutting down or checking out.  This means most of the time they don’t even know what they are feeling.  The move towards specificity is one of a Spiritual Warrior. It takes courage and persistence. It is the path towards healing instead of being a victim. Feeling like a victim is fine. Living as a victim is self-destructive. Being specific about your emotions will help you make this distinction.

Specifics give you evidence which is essential when you are trying to implement change. In times of change, intuition is not enough. When you are engaged in change, you will be afraid, defensive, confused, lose trust in yourself and Spirit, will want to turn back and go back to the old patterns and choices and so many other challenges. Change is challenging.  You know that because you can see how hard it is for others to change and because you can see how so many people would rather stay in the comfort of an old situation no matter how dysfunctional or even abusive it is rather than risk the uncomfortable feelings that come with change. While you pray for Guidance during change, you are still the one that has to go through it and learn the lessons in order to be changed.  Learning lessons means participating. Participating means being present and in your body (both of which are needed in order to hear/received Guidance from Spirit). Participating means being Mindful, tracking what is working and not working as you are learning, tracking your progress so you don’t get discouraged.

Being specific in your Mindfulness will help you give up being a victim. It will help you give up self-hate, self-loathing, and magical thinking. Generalizing allows you to make up stories, self-destructive stories about yourself or others. Generalizing allows you to avoid responsibilities, responsible behaviors and allow you to behave in a passive-aggressive manner. Generalizations allow you to be able to lie to yourself, and to others and to exaggerate. Being specific forces you to be balanced because you track the good and the bad, the fun and the uncomfortable, the mistakes and the wins. 

Journey On