Spiritual Warrior

This is the golden age of lawsuits, liability, victimhood and ultimate political correctness. Say the wrong thing, the wrong tone, the wrong words, etc. you are a predator, an abuser, or at the very least mean and lawsuit material. Sigh.  How do people get feedback? How can they learn when teachers, supervisors, mentors etc. are walking on eggshells?

In this respect I consider myself quite lucky. Feedback for growth, healthy arguing (discussions with passion), having people around me that cared enough to speak up were always part of my life. In my childhood the culture of my ethnicity is one that expects people to speak up, hold opinions,  care about what you are talking about, research your point of view, present it,  learn from others, teach others, be willing to disagree, agree to disagree and still love, hug and stay with each other in life. As an activist in the peace and social justice movement we had “criticism/self-criticism” groups on a regular basis to help each other stay on track, stay mindful, be challenged to grow and be bigger and better on the path to freedom.  As a performance artist, any of the arts actually, critiques, criticisms, feedback are an essential and welcome part of the creative process. In the entertainment industry people get hired that know each other because the culture demands an intimacy, a freedom to talk, to say anything without retaliation (unless is truly an abuse of power). In theatre, in dance, lighting, costume design, sets, makeup, music, choreography and artist performance are not only subject to scrutiny, you counted on it to make the production, the artists involved, grow, shine and be better.  As a professor students counted on me as “one of the few, if not only” professor who would “be straight” with them, with great love, and enthusiasm for their future and their potential to be more than they were at the moment.  Other students found that extremely annoying and I learned to suggest to the students that did not really want to learn but preferred to “get through“ the class that they transfer to another professor. Luckily, they would.  More good luck, my supervisors all loved what I brought to teaching and I became both mentor and trainer to most of the faculty (across departments). Due to my popularity and effectiveness with students I was tasked with teaching professors how to give effective feedback, how to challenge students to step up and grow by providing a balance of encouragement and very specific feedback for improvement.   My point is being a catalyst for growth and learning has been my teaching style forever. It is also my cultural background and it is even in my astrological chart.

Working with a catalytic agent be it a mentor, Teacher, or healer is not for everyone. Some people need unwavering validations with no hint of anything else. Some people do not do well with any kind of pressure or any teaching that might offer the slightest hint of what might even smell like confrontation or demanding a kind of honesty with your Self that some might call excruciating. All choices are completely valid, for each individual. What is not healthy is to live as a victim. The culture of being a victim is predominant right now. Say one wrong word, have an “attitude”, make a “wrong” joke or speculation and you are an abuser, a racist, sexist predator. Victims currently rule. Crying out that you have been victimized has now become a form of control.  I am not saying people aren’t victimized or that racism, sexism, etc. don’t exist because they do and I am still an activist for human rights, social justice and peace.  However the culture now can also use the cry of victim as control. Professors, teachers, counselors, healers must now be on the lookout to not piss off anyone with that concern taking priority over the job of teaching and healing. Threatened with lawsuits, people in the helping professions can no longer “help” without first considering if they will be misunderstood and sued. You have to leave the door open and be visible at all times when talking to students or patients, or you need to be documented via video, and you cannot touch anyone, at all ever (and don’t people need hugs?). Some people I know in the new age industry require all clients, customers etc. to fill out a liability form stating they know that what they are participating in is for entertainment purposes only, as a way to protect themselves from lawsuits.

How do you learn and grow and evolve without the insight, input, loving help and challenges from others? When we lived tribally we had elders, shamans, women’s council, men’s lodge, so many built in resources for people to receive feedback, critiques, suggestions, challenges, teachings, as well as support and validation.  We don’t have that as an industrialized society and we have to now search out and find people to help us become bigger than who we currently are. How else are you supposed to be held accountable, be challenged, have your stuck beliefs and behaviors contradicted so that you grow, grow beyond what you can possible achieve alone with the thoughts in your head?  How do you learn to believe in your Self if you never allow your Self to be challenged or asked to take risks? Instead the culture that has arisen is one of being a victim, taking offense, and now the predominant choice is to blame someone for saying something to you that you don’t like and then suing for pain and suffering. .

What happened to having a strong enough core, a belief in Self so that the opinions, thoughts, critiques or suggestions and sometimes even the behavior of others do not rock your world?  We know in this world on earth absolutely nothing grows without stress. The seed violently breaks apart to fight its way through the soil to the sun. Chicks literally fight their way out of an eggshell. Mammals struggle to breathe and move once born.  Muscles only develop through physical stress. I could give examples of healthy stress needed to stay alive, forever.  Challenges and struggle make you strong and stronger.  Psychologically we know that when one gets defensive that means the person feels threatened and unless there is a real threat presented (abuse of power, physical violence) psychology instructs you to use your defensiveness to discover what is broken inside of you that made you feel scared, sad, angry, or hurt.  But these days if you feel defensive you are encouraged to call the person who “made” you feel that way mean, bad, abusive etc.  So those who were destined to help others grow now get controlled and are forced to kowtow and even legally protect themselves from the accusations of instant victims. Students told me stories of crying victim in high school about, well anything, and that would guarantee them getting an “A” in the class even if they never attended another day! They also told me how they now regret it because they were so far behind in learning because all they had learned was how to manipulate the system.  One class of high school students came in together as freshman to one of my college classes. The first week I really fussed at them, for not living up to their potential, for being the worst version of themselves. The next week a spokesperson for them all stood up to thank me for caring enough about them to get on their case. They were sickened that they had learned to manipulate an educational system that then passed them through all their classes to keep the peace, to avoid lawsuits and to not care. They said they were so humbled and honored that my passion for their growth came through and I was willing to risk pissing all of them off,  take the risk of getting written up for making students “upset” etc. in order to best serve them and their growth.

If you truly love people, if you passionately love and are committed to helping people wake up and be all they can be you will have to offer people challenges, healthy stress, and successful risk taking.  If you want to be a source of (so-called) unconditional love, support and validation for others, that is a different set of choices and it may be for you. Many many people left my own Teacher to follow Bhakti teachings where your guru showers you with the darshan energy of divine love. LPH is the Path of a Spiritual Warrior. You need to enjoy taking risks, of being challenged and believe that true love is when your Teacher and fellow students care enough about you to pay attention to the choices you make in order to make intelligent observations, comments, support, and give critiques when asked as well as hug you and validate your growth and progress.  As you develop as strong inner core based on a deep intimate relationship with your Self, your Higher Self, Spirit and Source you lose your tendency to “feel” attacked, criticized, belittled, or afraid of what you might hear from someone else about your Self, your behaviors, and your choices.  Self-love is developed through a real Spiritual Practice such as the Path offered at LPH. When you deeply believe in your authentic self, when you can clearly see your own shortcomings and character defects (to use 12-Step vocabulary) as well as your gifts and strengths, the opinions of others cannot and do not disrupt your relationship with your Self. You can hear what is being offered with detachment and curiosity with a desire to learn and expand. When you are weak inside, when you do not know your authentic self, almost every comment can feel threatening to you because you already doubt your significance in this world. When you are weak inside you already have feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, self-hate, and unbelievable fear that others will see what a worthless piece of humanity you are and any insignificant even irrelevant comment can set you off into a spin out of pain.  Once triggered that is when the un-awakened person, the unconscious fearful self-hating person will lash out at the person that just accidently bumped into the gaping wound of your unhealed psyche.  And because the current culture supports this, lawsuits or physical threats by family members etc. are a real concern for those whose business it is to help people learn, grow, and expand.

If you are badly wounded you may not be up to this kind of growth right away or ever. You might need some years of validations, hugs, super positive feedback to reclaim the parts of you that were crushed.  Those are fine choices. While healing be aware of your wounded hair trigger that allows you to feel “hurt” if someone looks at you funny, or doesn’t look at you enough.  There are tons of healers and counselors out there that love this kind of work. They will tell you that you are a super sensitive empath, an indigo or rainbow person who is overwhelmed by the brutality of human earth and encourage you to create an identity around that. They will teach you how to make people respect your super sensitivity and validate your need for special attentions, healings, and accommodations of all kinds.  And perhaps you are all of that. Go find out. Choose “helper” people that will give you what you have identified as your “needs”.

If you want to be a Spiritual Warrior, if you want to get strong emotionally and energetically, at some point in your healing/growing journey you will learn to invite feedback, critiques, and disturbing or challenging questions in order to give your Self opportunities to rise to the occasion. Do not do this with people who have physical, financial, or emotional control of you. In those cases, get strong enough to leave so you can be free!  Also do not do this with people who have not worked on themselves, like instant new agers. If someone tells you that you have green skin and purple eyes you would laugh. Why? Because you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you do not have those attributes.  If you are a bit unsure you might double check how you look in the mirror. But you definitely would not go after the person who made those comments as mean, critical, attacking, abusive etc. When you are deeply intimate with your authentic Self and love all of you, your strengths and your weaknesses, your authentic Self, only then are you able to not be triggered by feedback, critiques, challenges etc. In fact, you will become curious to see if those kinds of comments can teach you more about your Self and your Path. You will respond with an open mind filled with curiosity not fear, you will definitely no longer be a person who is waiting with a hair trigger to be “hurt” by the observations of others that you enlisted to help you, heal you and Teach you.  Life Path Healings (LPH) is for honesty, authenticity, risk taking (regarding Spiritual growth),  and it is for warriors. Choose wisely.

Journey On