Eastern Teachings and being a Student

Eastern Teachings and being a Student

If you are lucky enough to have True Teacher it can be confusing to figure out the behaviors of a being a Chela: a Spiritual Student.  Levels of respect and appropriate behaviors of respect are built into most every culture and every language except America. The romance languanges have a formal “you” (vous and tu for example in French). In Asian cultures one bows in varying degrees depending on the amount of respect one desires to show another.  Bows are deeper for Elders and Teachers than say for friends.  Here in America people seem to pride themselves in showing disrespect to elders and teachers, trying to prove they know more or can do more as a way to establish identity.  Familiarity even when inappropriate seems to be the norm or the goal. Stepping on someone else’s back to gain recognition or establish an identity is idealized. How does one behave in a respectful relationship with a Teacher? Well for one, being respectful does not mean behaving like a doormat and accepting everything a Teacher does. That can lead to the formation of cults and/or unappropriated sexual advances and misconduct. It also does not mean talking is soft whispers and presenting false humility. Those are ways of disguising your authentic self and limits how deeply a Teacher can work with you as a Teacher cannot shatter a false image you are currently invested in preserving.

Publically challenging a Teacher, unless you have done your research and uncovered financial or sexual misconduct is an ego trip on your part. As is “mouthing off”, making snide side comments or “looks” in a class or showing off your own knowledge (without being asked to do so) and even going so far as to try to get the students with one Teacher to come study with you instead (!)  are all signs of disrespect not only to the Teacher but to your own Path.  It shows you that you are using your so-called Path to further your own ego driven desires and goals. I have seen and experienced all of these behaviors from students and it is no joy to be on the receiving end of these personal demons..  Trying to “barter” with your Teacher or trying to sell a story about your financial woes to get a “break” in fees, well let me ask you this, would you do this with your doctor, or plumber, or car mechanic? No. Again this is an indication of how little respect you give your own Path and diminishes the importance of your own work for your own Evolution.  I can tell you that every person who told me their financial woes (every one) turns out to have money, and always it turns out that they can afford to go on vacations, buy new cars, don’t want to work for a living because they would rather do their hobbies and every one like this wants a Teacher who will do the work for them.  I have found that people truly without funds, rarely if ever, bring up money as a negotiating point with a Spiritual Teacher.  I used to work with a doctor of oriental medicine (OMD) who refused to take patients who used insurance because he said those who used insurance would not do the work necessary to get well. Then, with their laziness, would bad mouth him. Those without insurance, who make the effort to pay, made the effort to heal. Sad but true. I have found the same to be true in Spiritual Development.

If you have a True Teacher you may not like or approve of his/her lifestyle. Not liking someone’s lifestyle yet staying in a relationship with him/her is part of practicing diversity, having tolerance.. Not accepting a lifestyle is more of an issue of integrity.  If you Teacher teaches the pursuit of prosperity (“you deserve it”) you may want to look closer at your Teacher’s own lifestyle.  If your Teacher believes in pursuing prosperity (along with promising it to you), does s/he collect Mercedes, land, houses, elaborate vacations? And if so, are you willing to accept that? (Look at the Crystal Cathedral that is tolerated or even worshipped in the Christian community.)  If this is not for you, time for you to move on. Prosperity is decided upon by you before you incarnate, it is not something that can be manipulated once you are here.   Not liking someone’s lifestyle is different. You may not like it because you are jealous.  You may not like it because it challenges your opinions created by the  biases, prejudices, and preferences of your cultural upbringing (Jews are money hungry, homosexuality is an illness, etc.) You can study with someone and not “like” how s/he lives. But if you don’t accept his/her lifestyle because of integrity issues, you might want to look elsewhere.

Finally, to confuse things even more your Teacher will stir you up. So you will have to sort out if you really hate or disrespect your Teacher or is your Teacher showing you the Shadows inside of you and you are transferring that insight and turning it into “I don’t like my Teacher, my Teacher is being an egomaniac, my Teacher is on a power trip…..etc. “   Your Teacher will have to tolerate your arrogance, your disrespect, your ego, your propensity to come off as “I am right” and “I know better that my Teacher” and all of your unresolved childhood issues as you move through the stages of healing (much like therapists need to do).  There is no easy answer as to how you sort this out.  Sorting this out will be part of your work, on your Path.

So what are best practices for a Chela (spiritual student)  in America working with an Eastern Teacher?  First off, remember your Teacher is also a human. Do not hold your Teacher to impossible standards and do not use their humanity to diminish your respect for them as a Teacher.  Picasso was not a nice man, but he still was an amazing artist. If you do not like your Teacher’s humanity, then move on as that is not the Teacher for you and it may not even be the Path for you. 

When you are in class with your Teacher, you need to put aside your commentary on their human issues just like if you were in an art class with Picasso that would not be the time or place to discuss your opinion about his affairs with women and how in general he treated women..  If you need to address some of your Teacher’s human behaviors, make an appointment. If you are afraid to do so alone, ask another student to come with you. Do it in person or in a respectful email if needed. Or again, move on. I prefer to discuss things with people before moving on. I always learn something as often things are not as they appear to be.

True Spiritual Teachers are never “off duty” even when spending time with students outside of a class and it is a mistake for you to assume they are being simply their human self when with students outside of a class.  Energetic Teachers are working on and living on a level you cannot possibly understand.  Teachers will be “off duty” when they are in class or spending time with their own Teacher or with colleagues (if they have any). It is lonely being a Spiritual Teacher, a bit like being the only sober person in an alcoholic culture.  Living with a certain energy awareness and cultivation simply makes you different and that sets one apart. So before you create a narrative of what a “butt” your Teacher is, or set about criticizing events or circumstances, ask your Teacher questions first to get clarity, to see if there is something to learn. If you don’t like the answers, you will have gained more information to make a good decision for yourself as to whether or not you wish to continue with this Teacher. Or perhaps you might need to set some boundaries for yourself.  Just because you connect with a Teacher in class does not mean you will connect with him/her in life. You might like to drink, or party, or cook and your Teacher prefers to hike, read poetry and spend time in nature which is boring for you.

Be honest. Sitting in a class pretending humility or reverence is annoying to say the least. It is also blocking your Teacher being able to work with you as falsely presenting yourself is a kind of boundary telling your Teacher to leave you alone because right now you need to feel righteous or humble in order to preserve your self-image.  Sending fake emails or texts saying what you imagine to be the “right” things to say to appear remorseful or apologetic will also set you back on your Path.  Work out your feelings first, use other students to help you do this if you cannot be honest with yourself.  The more authentic you can be with your Teacher, the more you are giving your Teacher permission to work with you.

When you are feeling complacent and self-satisfied, your Teacher will stir you up. When you are stirred up, your Teacher will help to settle you. All is done to assist you in your own evolution. Assist.  You must do the work. Blaming your Teacher, gossiping (venting is used to help you get to the bottom of things so you can shift your Self, gossiping is used to blame and not do your work), coming to class with “attitude” to “show” your Teacher something will all hinder your own work. Take what you are given, work it through to a place where you become more neutral (detachment). Detachment does not mean no emotions.  Detachment means you have worked through all of your emotions, felt them deeply, all of them, and you come through to the other side where now you are “different” and your emotions are also different, not suppressed.  If you cannot tolerate this, find a Teacher you like.  Eastern Teachings are meant to make you strong, intelligent, intuitive and tolerant of others so you can be compassionate with those truly different than you.

New Age teachers are different. It is often a shock to work with a Teacher who actually has a Practice and teaches primarily with Energy, not words, crystals, oils, pyramids etc. (all good things, just different than Energy  based work).  “Taking out” your issues, emotions, your American cultural norm of disrespect on your Teacher only hinders your Path and your Work.  Your Teacher can handle it all. It is you that will suffer and make your own work more confusing and difficult. Awarding your Teacher respect, awards you, your Path, your Work respect.  Treating the Sacred as Sacred is your job. No one can make you do that.  Disrespecting the Teacher you have chosen to work rather than leaving to find someone who will give you what you think you want is like punching yourself in the face because you are mad at someone else.

If you want to bring more of the Sacred to your classes and your Spiritual Work here are some suggestions (ones that are practiced with my Own Teacher).  Create reverence in your practice. Reverence for your beautiful Self and your amazing Path. Do some work before walking in the door and see if you can come to classes open and willing to listen and to learn.  Bring a Journal unless you have an amazing memory. Connect with others and help each other evolve. Discuss, visit, and reach out.  Dress in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, be it sweat pants or more formal wear.  Wear sacred objects that help you with your Meditations and Work. Donate books for others to read (but then return them if you borrow them!!).  Bring flowers, fruit, and chocolate to be put on the altar (another symbol of reverence) to be blessed and shared with others who come to classes.  Bring gifts to be blessed and given to others in your life or even in class to share your blessings and to let others know they are not alone.  You create reverence. You make your life Sacred or you make your life small. Only you.

Journey On