Bottoming Out

Bottoming Out

For all of the social media imagery proclaiming America as the land of the free, most people hide who they are from family, friends, the public and often from themselves.  People live life as they imagine it should be.  People live life to cultivate the reactions they crave, because of the emptiness inside. Everyone has emptiness inside, at some point. It is a necessary step in growth. Empty the current cup so there is room for the new.  In the West, emptiness is equated with loser, lazy, lost, lost time. In the Eastern traditions, “empty” is listening to Spirit, letting go, surrender to the new and unknown, acceptance of what IS to that it can be embraced and learned because only then can “what will be” can come in because you are now different, evolved, from your acceptance of what you were given in life both to embrace and to overcome (growth).

Running from your  emptiness, be it a sense of loss, or you think you are a failure or not enough, or any other forms of toxic shame (good read: Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw) paradoxically prolongs the emptiness and makes your lessons and learning exponentially more difficult. You will engage in all sorts of external solutions: crystals, essential oils, yoga, religious ritualistic behaviors (including the religion of New Age rituals), working out, dieting. None of these are bad in and of themselves (well, maybe the religious ritualistic behaviors that often lead to a cult-like existence) however if used as a “drug of choice” to ease the pain or fear of emptiness, if they are used to make you feel good while you avoid looking at deep-seated, long-term or destructive patterns in your life, they will not be helpful in the long run. Proof of this are the expose stories of incredibly “successful” people such as actors, work out buffs, Instagram stars, yoga masters, gurus, the super –rich,  who turn out to be severely depressed,  hiding struggles with ongoing overwhelming emotional disturbances , chemical dependencies and the many other “secrets” that come to light when the “fix it” patches used as solutions finally bust.  If you are famous, the public loves these stories and sees all the resources these famous folks have to now engage in recovery (in Malibu or the Caribbean) which will also become part of their iconic imagery. If you are part of the crowd, when your fixes bust, you will often find yourself running back to dysfunctional situations (relationships, family, addictions etc.) because you have no recovery resources (or so you think), and you get fired instead of interviewed on television or Facebook. It is a rough path for sure no matter what version you are in. For most people,  recovery only comes when people have bottomed out and everyone’s bottom is different.  Bottoming out means your emptiness has finally caught you and is making your hold still, and face the class Spirit is giving you.

If you have a Spiritual Practice where you “listen” to the Divine, to Spirit (silent meditation yes, mantra meditation a bit less so, guided meditation not at all as now your left brain is narrating) your bottom will no longer be a huge fall. Your intuition will be so fine-tuned that you will be able to feel a change in the weather.  Furthermore, your commitment to “listening” to Source blossoms into acceptance and then the willingness and ability to accept Divine Guidance. This does not come automatically for most. It takes time just like all relationships there are no shortcuts in your relationship with the Divine.  Because you have free will, free will to NOT listen to Guidance, free will to not accept help from Spirit, you will have to develop a relationship with Spirit based on trust and trust only comes through experiences, time,  trial and error, and the development of Faith. There is the added obstacle of having to make friends with the mind, your left brain.  You need the left brain to survive Earth just like you need some  ego to survive social interactions (such as setting boundaries) so do not make the mind into your enemy. Instead learn balance. Spirit gives you a message; the left brain helps you implement it, yin and yang, vision and manifestation.  However learning to refine this balance takes having an actual practice otherwise your vivid imagination ruled by the mind will make up some amazing stories because your fear of emptiness, your lack of the actual experience of faith, and your still unruly ego will rule the day.

True Spiritual Guidance is a relationship which also means, like a human relationship, it will evolve, based on your capacity to handle the Divine. Your capacity means your energy field will need to change, shift and evolve and this only happens with a Practice, or through life experiences particularly those of bottoming out. Crystals, oils, yoga, tarot etc. will only take you so far. They are tools of Spirit however they are not Source itself. They are ways to help you connect, but at some point you will need to work without tools.  At first your relationship with Spirit will be seductive. You will get messages (through your tools or “amazing” people) that only confirm what you believe; you will experience lots of synchronicities that confirm you are “getting signs” and that you are on the “right” path, that you are indeed a “being of light”.  This is the honeymoon phase of the relationship and a necessary phase.  It builds trust and enthusiasm and the basis of Faith. You cannot handle anything more, yet. You need to know you will get what you want, you will feel happy (happier at least), you will feel (finally) “special”. It is first aid for the Soul.   (Excellent read,google Lions Roar:Just when you think you're Enlightened)

People go to therapy when they are in extreme pain or fear. Once that is handled, they usually quit much to the frustration or often despair of the therapist because the problem someone came in for is only a symptom of deeper issues.  Only when the problem is handled can the real work begin, but that is when most people leave therapy. Until the problem comes up again, and again, and again, and finally it becomes clear (often decades later) that the problem is not a series of incidents but rather a pattern, a life pattern, that needs to be confronted or you will end up putting out fires for the rest of your life.  Unfortunately this typically happens (in the West) with Spiritual development. People love the honeymoon phase, then change “tools” to keep feeling good once the honeymoon romance with Spirit evolves into a true relationship. I often suspect this is why the New Age is dominated by “young” self-proclaimed teachers instead of people seeking out Elders who are traditionally the Teachers in all indigenous (and Eastern) cultures.  Elders have evolved past the honeymoon stage of loving Spirit, and who wants to hear that.

Once you are past the honeymoon phase, the real love relationship emerges, the real adventures begin, and the miracles that are currently beyond your imagination (so you can’t even ask for them or pray for them) occur. Your “bottom” disappears as you learn to willingly follow Guidance not matter how illogical it seems. That Guidance lets you avoid falling off the cliff but instead shows you a difficult  and challenging path down into the valley where you will arrive perhaps breathless but in one piece and with amazing self-awareness and insight into your Sacred Journey.  As your energy field shifts with each layer of your ability to accept and surrender to Guidance, the Guidance becomes more esoteric, meaning more in line with Spiritual Evolution than having to win over your confidence and trust.  You can now become truly a servant of Spirit to be used to help with people and situations without you having to be told the “big picture”, or having the need to win accolades from others. Through Energy, the language of the Divine that can only be learned in the Sacred Silence of a Practice, your own energy field longs to follow Divine Guidance; it is magnetized in a sense to be attracted to being in that flow and that pull trumps your need for “a reason” or logic, or accolades or even recognition from others.

Give me some examples!  You take someone you hardly know to a workshop and spend a weekend with him/her even though you have nothing in common and you are a devout introvert. You call people you barely know because they are in your head, and ask them how they are doing. You buy something “spiritual” you don’t need or really want (then try to sell it because you think you made a mistake, but no one is interested) and 2 years later you see it is something you really really need, now.  You tell someone to get out of your life for no apparent reason you can figure and then it comes out this person is a secret pedophile.  Some might call this synchronicity or “I am protected” and yes it is that, however, if you have a Practice, you learn to live in this energy, 99% of the time and trust that you may or may not find out the “why’s” of the Guidance. Instead, you are now invested in the “how” of your life: How you are living, how it feels, how it unfolds, how your relationship with Self is, how your Practice is going, etc.

How do you know if you are living from Guidance or if you are following your wounded self, or your ego, or your imagination?  How can you tell if someone truly loves you or simply wants something from you because they are broke, lonely, or want sex…. now.?   The answer for both is time,  having a Practice, learning to Read Energy, and you remembering you will make mistakes  as that is an inevitable part of learning.  There is no simple answer and no simple mechanical practice. Life  needs to be lived as Divine Art, no matter what  your “purpose” is in this life. Your main “purpose” always, is evolution of the Soul. This life is merely the tool for your current evolution and you chose it when you were a Spirit, with your Guides  before you incarnated. If you now think that once here, you have a “much better idea” than what you first decided, good luck with that. Do you think your limited “human” perspective, dominated by your human mindset has better ideas and a bigger perspective than your Divine Self ?  Perhaps that is what you are here to learn, this time. And that’s when bottoming out can be your best tool for learning.

Journey On