Cultivating the Sacred or Familiarity breeds contempt?

Cultivating the Sacred or Familiarity breeds contempt?

You own an exotic stunning Bengal Cat. Gorgeous markings, intelligent maybe even psychic, often acts more like a dog than a tiger and also poops. The whole package is the cat. Do you focus on the smell and inconvenience of the poop when sharing stories and talking about the cat?  Do you always bring up in conversation what you know about the cat poop and perhaps other unsavory (in your limited outlook) behaviors? No. Usually you brag on your cat. Yet when it comes to humans, people will brag on how much they know the unsavory (in their opinion) underside of someone especially if it is a movie star, or a teacher, healer, or a Spiritual Teacher. It is as if you know some “gory” details about someone of “note” that is proof you are “in with the in crowd” because you know these things. If it is a spouse and you do this, it can often be an underhanded way of control or expressing anger that you do not have the courage or maturity to express directly with the intent of healing and becoming closer. People who have learned to behave as victims often make this passive aggressive choice.  All people have a “poop” side to them. Why do you focus on that? Are you too scared to stay on your own Path, in your own lane?  Do you need to feel “better than”? Why do you feel obligated to let others know you are one of the “special ones” that has seen the “poop” side of someone especially if you bring it up in public in an inappropriate fashion? How does that feed you, your ego, or your wounded self-esteem? Why does that make you feel safer in your world? Do you use your “boasting” of knowing someone’s “poop” as a way to avoid a direct problem solving conversation with the person?

The movie star gossip world thrives on breeding contempt. Sadly it is also rampant with people who study with a Spiritual Teacher. Spiritual Teachers are warned by their mentors to not become close to students. Many unconscious psychological  tendencies surface when a student or client engages in deep work  healing their wounded heart and the “healer”  becomes the one that the client or student feels is “safe enough” take out one’s repressed rage, fear, terror, and other forms of lashing out as old wounds surface and burst asunder. Therapists are also trained to keep a professional distance for these reasons. If you “hang out” with a Spiritual Teacher, you can count on the fact that you are not a friend. And what a sad statement that is because the implication is that when you become friends you become disrespectful rather than cultivating and supporting the Sacred even more rigorously. Your Teacher will be “managing” you every second you are together so if you think you have learned some big insight about who s/he “really” is, or how s/he behaves you are not only in the dark and delusional, you are probably on an ego trip. (This is a subject that could take up an entire article.)

Students who like to make underhanded comments or “give looks” when working with a Teacher or while sitting in a class have corrupted or even destroyed their own relationship with their Teacher by focusing on the “poop” as a way to gain status, or feel “better than”, or to handle perceived vulnerabilities, or to express arrogance rather than focusing on their own learning and treasuring the Sacred in the relationship. Being able to make snide remarks about what you consider to be “insightful observations” about your Teacher (or therapist) as a way of somehow proving you “really” know them is not only a form of contempt, it is arrogance and fear. Your Teacher (and therapist) has his/her own Teacher and/or colleagues to give them educated and professional observational feedback and your remarks as a receiver of their services can be compared to a pre-teen commenting on effective parenting. If your Teacher (or therapist) does NOT have a Teacher or Mentor or a community of colleagues working with them to provide educated and insightful feedback, I would reconsider working with that person or at the very least questioning them as to how they keep perspective and balance in their work and personal growth. That being said, you are not your Teacher’s mentor and it is not your job nor do you have the tools, training or practice to monitor, judge and comment on their behavior (unless they have strayed into the area of abuse).  If you are obsessed with your Teacher’s “poop” and no longer treasure or cultivate the Sacred in the work offered, perhaps it is time for you to move on.

The same goes for family and spouse. Do you feed the Sacred in your relationships with loved ones or do you prefer one-upmanship by making backhanded prideful observations and commentaries on what you perceive as “poop”?  Do that, then wonder why your relationships no longer feels special. Furthermore, how do you know what you are seeing or experiencing is poop? Unless you take a moment to “tune in”, do a mini-Reading, chances are great that you do not have the full story or history and you are the one making up the story as “poop”. By simply using your muggle brain your prejudices and ego will drive your “poop” story. Perhaps the person is an introvert and your energy is driving the other person crazy, nobody’s fault, just what is happening. Perhaps the person is setting boundaries in a clumsy fashion, but for him/her is it a giant step forward but your left brain has a better story to tell (better meaning it makes you feel “right” or superior) that is critical.  If you are not taking a moment to “tune in” in order to be more compassionate, insightful, or helpful, perhaps you should mind your own business, stay in your lane, and look to being more mindful about your own deeds, thoughts, and reactions. Just saying.  Or you can leave, or decide to keep more distance. There are so many honest choices available.  Covert comments, looks, speculations, and gossip are toxic. Sharing information, venting (and labeling it as such), and in general talking to process in order to problem-solve or get some insight, detachment, compassion, empathy or love is another story.

People cultivate each other. You either feed the Sacred in each close or important relationship or you disrespect and devalue the relationship. In the middle is honest straight forward communications often about difficult material, setting boundaries and processing your own reactions to discover more about you and why you were triggered by someone else’s stuff.  Honoring the Sacred is a much more challenging way to live.  Thriving on “poop patrol” gossip and speculations is easier and sadly, these days, the norm in the muggle world. This does not mean you cannot criticize or discuss challenges with someone. However that is different than throwing looks or making sideways commentaries in inappropriate settings such as a classroom or a family gathering. If you have an issue with your Teacher, make an appointment to discuss and the same with family and spouse. Make learning about someone else’s perspectives and problem solving Sacred, not gossipy, bitchy, back stabbing or status climbing (trying to prove you are right or better than). Work on honoring and cultivating the Sacred in those relationships that have deep meaning for you.  As you do for others, do for your Self.  Learn to see and honor the Sacred in You. Keep your focus on your Self and your Path. Practice cultivating your Sacred qualities and do not torment yourself by constantly rubbing your own nose in your poop. Share to problem solve, ask questions to learn before you come to a conclusion, use boundaries to protect, and use mindfulness to become more self-aware and to cultivate and honor your own Sacred growth.

Journey On