Depression is Normal

Depression is Normal

If a person has cancer, or lost a leg, lost a loved one, or  is a survivor of any kind such as war, bankruptcy, divorce etc., society “allows” one to feel depressed, at least for a little bit, before the push for medication often begins. Yet so many people are terrified of depression, and societal norms tell us to “fight it.”  In fact society tells us to fight every emotion except excitement, enthusiasm, love…. All the emotions deemed “positive.” What has happened to our culture (both mainstream and alternatives) is that people  have been “taught” what emotions to suppress, and how to force or convince one’s self to feel something “positive.”  This is like taking drugs so you can numb out and workout more with less or no pain., or drinking to have intimacy. Suppress what you really feel (either with some kind of mind control like affirmations, or with chemicals, drugs or alcohol).  Pain, be it emotional or physical is part of what keeps you healthy. Pain, physical or emotional (and even spiritual) teaches you when you have had enough and it is time to back off and take care of yourself, your body, your mind, your emotions, your relationships with others. Block the pain and you are abandoning the Self, opening the door to  abuse of the self. There is a saying that courage is to feel the fear and do it anyway. Feel the fear, then make a decision, a choice. Not numb out and pretend the fear is not there. Numbing out is not courage, that is easy to do. Feeling and then making a choice, that is courage.

Depression typically comes in when life is not going the way you expected or wanted it to go. But it is something more. If you are depressed that life is not going the way you decided it should, and you feel depressed, it also means life currently is not going the way you want it and you are suffering under the circumstances. The circumstances are usually not really the cause of depression. It is a fantasy that if you had more money, more sex, a “better” job, a different partner, or lived in a different place that you would indeed “feel” better.  So one fights the depression, or in some cases, diverts one’s self to the job of changing circumstances, discovering that ultimately a change of circumstances is not a “cure”—at least not a long term one. It is about a good a “cure” as smoking, drinking, overworking, and any other way of self-medicating in order to shut down feelings.

If you had a broken leg, you would accept lying in bed, then creeping around on crutches while you healed, and then spending time in physical therapy after the cast is removed. However, if you are depressed (or any other unacceptable emotion) you do not give yourself any permission at all to allow the experience to happen. Life Path Healings we teach the path of acceptance and surrender. Why? Because everything can teach us (The Tao) if we let it. Spirit (whatever name you use, or religion you follow) is always teaching us as well as giving us the tools to learn our lessons and have fun.  If you do not accept what comes in, be it a broken leg, or depression, you are now shutting yourself off from Guidance and deciding that Spirit has it wrong, that what is happening to you is not right and you (alone) are going to fix it. Good luck with that.

When you accept what is happening you can learn from it and make choices, and learn from the choices you make. For example, if you are in an abusive relationship, first you must accept it, that it is true, it is happening. You surrender to the reality of it while praying for help and looking for help; feel the fear and dare to make changes. When you surrender to the reality, only now can you start to understand how you got here, what you did, what you ignored, how it all has helped you grow, what you have or are still learning.  If you hit a big depression and you cannot even get out of bed you can also treat this like a broken leg. It has happened, it is not forever, it occurred, and you do not beat yourself up over it as that simply acerbates your current circumstances.  Yikes you say.  Give in to depression!  That is how most people take the word acceptance: giving up, a loser. When you accept it is raining, you put on your rain gear and re-organize your day. Acceptance is not passive, it is warrior energy, facing what is so, what is happening, then making choices or getting help if you need it.

If depression or any other “unacceptable” emotion has hit you hard and is not tied to a specific circumstance (death of a loved one, loss of a job, etc.) I guarantee that you have been ignoring your feelings and now they have built up to slam you into becoming aware, a kind of wakefulness.  Perhaps you have been doing too much positive thinking and ignoring how you really feel or your boundaries have been getting violated for far too long. You might be “living your dream” and while things are going wrong, or the dream is changing you have been in denial and have refused to do a reality check and make some changes. Or perhaps you have been giving emotional support to someone going way past what you were capable of giving (over-functioning as discussed in the wonderful book The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner). Remember, everyone has Guides and Guidance , it is not all up to you. That is an ego and control trip. No matter why depression has risen out of the dark, from left field, or out of nowhere (supposedly) your job is to accept it. Find out what you have been thinking and feeling; look at what you have been ignoring or denying. Allow Spirit in, for comfort and wisdom by praying for help and guidance.  

The paradox is if you accept what you are feeling, you will move through it swiftly and with more ease.   Do not to force yourself to “get over it” too quickly. You would not push yourself over the limit with a broken leg knowing that would delay your healing, don’t push yourself to “not be” depressed. Work on not being embarrassed or hide what you are going through.  You would not hide or deny a broken leg. You don’t have to intimately share your emotions with everyone, however you don’t have to over-project a false image to everyone either. There are many choices in the middle zone. Emotions are weather, fluid. They are our teachers and lead us to growth and healing. Treat them with respect. Your life, and the people in your life will survive what you are going through, and they will survive it with much more balance if you are honest and treat your experience as a tool for learning. What a great model for your children as well.  This will also teach you to accept help, support, and love which is not only wonderful for you  it allows others to step up and show what they are capable of including showing you how much you are lived. This is all very humbling, not humiliating, humbling.  Being humble is good for the soul and for having close relationships with others. It also relieves you of the burden of “being perfect.”

On a final note you need bad events and challenging emotions to learn what works and doesn’t work for you.  Without the lows in life, you do not treasure the highs, you take them for granted or even get arrogant thinking life is working out all because of you and your efforts (forgetting you planned your life before you got here and you scheduled the “good” times as well as the so-called challenging times.  The “high” times offer you the temptation to become very self-involved, self-serving, self-righteous, and lose compassion for others (“well I made something of my life, they should too”). The “lows” keep you humble, connect you to humanity and your humanity, encourages you to reach out to Spirit (which you typically forget when you feel “good”), teaches you (or reminds you) to be compassionate, and helps you follow Guidance and have the courage to  make changes. 

Journey On
MarieFeuer.Org

Life Path Healings,Yucaipa CA.