Why did this happen? Because you wanted to believe the Lies.

Why did this happen? Because you wanted to believe the Lies.

When you are needy, wanting things or people you do not or cannot have, that neediness is an energetic magnet that makes you the perfect “mark” to use conman/con-woman vernacular,  the perfect sucker.  Not only for people who want to take advantage of you, but also for certain industries such as the commercial psychic market, the motivational (selling hope) and new age (selling dreams) industries.   I work on Psychic Access (under the name of Nonna) where most of the calls I receive are about one’s love life. Typically I hear, “I called 10 psychics about ‘Sam’ and want to get your take on how he (or she) feels about me.”  My first reaction is, if you are calling a psychic about a relationship, it is because your intuitive and/or higher self already senses something is wrong.  Usually that earns me an instant hang up. I also get many hang-ups from people who call because they want to hear what they want to hear and the second I say “S/he has another lover” or anything along those lines, click, call over. The saddest calls are when people tell me they were told for some time (sometimes years) by psychics, that their love interest was their soul mate or twin flame, and now they found out that all this time the person had another lover (sometimes another family). The cry is “how could they (the psychics) all be wrong?”  The truth is many psychics are empathetic, unhealed from an abusive childhood, people pleasers, and/or have no boundaries and cannot bear causing anyone pain and are only able to say things that will make the listener (and therefore the psychic) feel good. This is a form of unconscious narcissism, which does not excuse the pain caused to the listener.  And there are those psychics/intuitives/so-called healers that are con artists or even sociopathic and deliberately lie to make money and/or because they enjoy and “get off” on being able to manipulate others (power). BUT, the callers, the listeners, have to take responsibility as well. I actually saw a write up by some new age “healer” who literally said she had a direct line to God and that if you enrolled in her expensive webinar you could tell her what you wanted from God, she would tell God, and God would give it to you.  Not even Jesus could do this. Unbelievably, hundreds of people enrolled.  She soon disappeared from “the scene” but after making a financial killing by the sad needy people who bought her outrageous adverstising.

If you have been in love with someone who lied to you (about being single, or their career, or loving you), after grieving, it is time for you to look at the neediness in you that bought the lie.  The only caveat here is if you were targeted by full blown sociopaths who are professionals and very hard to detect once you have been targeted.   But even then, sociopaths have an outstanding “radar” for finding needy people and for ferreting out vulnerabilities (neediness) that you yourself may not even be aware of.  If you have been “taken” by someone’s lies, you also need to examine your lack of faith in Spirit whereby you decided that you needed to get what you wanted (now) rather than seeking to make sure that any actions you take are coming from Guidance rather than your neediness and/or ego gratification--- needing a promotion, the best job, the perfect mate, etc.

Yikes. What is the answer? First of all, work on yourself. Forever, like brushing your teeth. Daily. Second, work with healers, therapists, or Spiritual Teachers that not only love you and make you feel good, but also challenge you, confuse you at times, make you question your thoughts.  Teachers are not here just to verify what you already know, believe, or want. Teachers need to be strong enough to handle occasionally upsetting their students, not just harvest the adoration or neediness of a student/client.  Teachers should be encouraging when you want to take a break, step back for a while, not encouraging you to always stay with them.  In other words cultivating independence, not dependence, helping you to learn to ask questions, challenge thinking, and consider new ideas.  You should be able to argue with your healer, mentor, Teacher and not feel shamed for doing so (some people will feel shamed no matter what because they are currently committed to being a victim due to transference issues (and other issues) that arise when anyone tries to help them).  You should be able to come back to your helper person without the helper person making you feel bad or wrong for how you needed to process feelings and issues (including transference).   Most of all, you should notice that your life is changing, and that you are learning, no matter how you feel (because change can be uncomfortable at first). When in doubt, step back, wait.  Protect yourself, but also question if you are running away because of uncomfortable feelings, or because you are a control freak (and just discovered that) and feeling vulnerable with someone who is helping you might scare you.  With these latter considerations, you can still step away, just keep asking yourself questions. Don’t just walk away and stop thinking about what you are learning and looking at the quality of your life with/without your helper person involved.  Again, remember that emotions will not always be an accurate reflection of healing as healing at first often feels uncomfortable (like lancing an infected wound…. it does not “feel” good but it is what is needed for healing).

Regarding romantic encounters, slowing down, waiting, can never be harmful. Rushing in due to loneliness, feeling “high” during the first encounters, or making up a story about the person based on “vibes” or “signs” (for you new age junkies) with no track record of behavior to back up the vibes, can be the superhighway to emotional (and sometimes financial ) disaster.  If you have a picture of the “perfect” lover in mind, there is always the danger that you will look for those signs (because you want them so badly) rather than looking to see the real person in front of your face. If you feel the need to call a psychic, consider that a red flag. It isn’t always, but better safe than sorry. If you feel any version of a red flag, any doubt, pay attention and slow down. If a relationship is “meant to be” the passage of time will not diminish the connection. If you are not working on yourself, working with someone, these suggestions are vital.

If you are currently a “survivor” of being lied to, being “taken” by someone, do grieve, get angry, vent. But then do look at the holes in your life and your emotions that you are so desperate to get filled by someone else.  Examine your faith and your need to get or go after what you wanted, not trusting Spirit to give you what you need for your Highest Good. Don’t beat yourself up. Consider the lesson as a gift, to show you the next class you need to take, the next area in your life you need to work on, grow, improve, get stronger, more balanced. And get to work as a warrior not as a victim.

Journey On